Alone with my thoughts...

Once again, here I am...alone with my thoughts. Again, I write this for me, but love to have you along for the journey if you so desire!

I landed back in the States 48 hours ago, so again...everything feels so different! It's been almost 2 year since I moved back from Nicaragua, but when I was there it felt like I had never left. Everything looks the same...yet it is all so different.

I have to admit, I was just sad being there. I find myself thinking of moving back there (at least 10 times) daily. I have to wonder...would it be the same? Would I enjoy it as much as I think I would? Someone asked me "Why did you move back the States in the first place?" I was quick to respond...I guess I thought it was time for me to "grow up", I had hopes of getting a great job, maybe settling down and getting married and starting a family of my own and living the American dream. It sounded so appealing, yet none of it has happened. So...what do you do when live just doesn't work out the way you thought it would? Well, I feel like the writing on the wall this time is just in a different language, and I'm trying to translate. What does all of this mean? I wish I knew...I guess I will just have to keep ya'll posted.

My visit to Nicaragua was truly bittersweet. I went to all the places that were so near and dear to my heart and loved every minute of it. It was so great to see old faces, go to all my old places and get lots of familiar hugs from kiddos whom I loved. Of course my favorite drive was the drive up the hill to see my Frankie. What a monkey! He is growing like crazy, and cute as ever! He's pure boy and loves life. My drive up the hill was followed by my typical drive back down the hill...tears and a broken heart! It's SO HARD to leave him, my deepest desire is to be with him. The first time those brown eyes looked up at me, lifted his arms to me and said "mama"...I was just simply in love and life hasn't been the same since...who knew you could love a little person that much...OK, all you moms know that you can :-)

Quick update on Antonio: He's doing great with is family, and is in preschool...something that I was told would never happen. PRAISE GOD for his faithfulness to his little man. Thriving and doing well!

Adoption info...some people are curious. My paperwork expired on May 20, and it was a day full of mixed emotions. Is it never going to happen? Actually, I believe it will but now is not the time, and I do have true peace about it all. I would LOVE to get Frankie, but it will take much change of heart and a true miracle. Join me in praying for one :-) In my mind, he will always be my little boy!

To those who actually read this...thanks! You are still an encouragement to me and I love it!