Adoption

Well, it's been quite a while since I've posted on my blog...and my goal was to use it to keep people in the loop on my adoption stuff, and I have not done it. So for anyone who is curious, read on!

I'm fully aware that maybe no one will read this, but today I realize I have to do it for me.

My adoption journey started last October, when I made the first phone call to Angela, the adoption investigator. My home study was started and finished in a month. One big step down. WELL, as my luck would have it I got a phone call from a former co worker asking me if I was looking for a different job. Well, I was so I drove to Mason City, interviewed, and had a job offer all in one day. SO, my home study waited until I could move up north, get settled, and more importantly find a place to live. Oh, and again, a curve ball...had my gall bladder removed and had some yucky stuff after that for about a month...let's just say I'm glad I can never have it out again! I moved in to my apartment March 1, my home study was truly officially done and I sent it in to USCIS (United States Customs and Immigration). My first communication came back from them in April...denied. OK, so what to do next? I got more information, finger printed (FBI style) and sent it again. Bought a ticket to Nica for a quick weekend trip over Memorial Day with my mom, got home at midnight to find my approval in my mailbox. SO...a few more paperwork requirements took me until September to get and I sent it all away for one last seal of approval from the Secretary of the State of Iowa. Approved, September 23.

Then...I freaked out! Had a few days where all I did was doubt and cry. I was a mess, yet no one can understand my dilemma. People have a hard time understanding why and how I will even do this, and you know what so do I. I really prayed hard and wrestled with my choice, I still am. I have a pit in my stomach all the time thinking about it...but I still believe this is what God has called me to do. Is it ideal? No. Can I afford it financially? No. Am I completely confident in my ability to raise a 6 year old little boy who will have potential for lots of different issues? No. Do I feel like this is going to be an easy journey? No. I am super nervous and scared, but that doesn't make it wrong. I read an article a few weeks ago that just will not leave my head...doing God's will is not about making the right or wrong choice, it's about playing a part in God's perfect plan for redemption. How does this work? I don't know, but I believe I will find out through this process.

I also found myself feeling a bit like Mary this morning in church, although not near as cool as she is :-) She was scared, she was doubtful, she was questioning her ability to be a mother, and a mother to God's own son none the less. But, her song found in the 1st chapter of Luke is full of praise to the Lord, my goal is to be able to do the same through my doubt and fear. Luke 1:45 says "Blessed is she who believes that what they Lord has said will be." I want to be THAT SHE.

I am scared and uncertain about my future, but I know that God can and will continue to either open or close the doors that need to be opened or closed. Please, if you are reading this, please pray for me and Antonio as our lives are both about to change very drastically. Only God knows the future, and I hope to continue to be a blessing in it.

Last week, I was talking with a co worker who said "A good parent always questions their ability to raise their child." I am mom of the year lately if this is the case :-)

Thanks for reading, and as always, I love to hear from you guys, even though I lead a "boring, North American" life now!