Hey y'all! Hello from northern Minnesota, we are enjoying a family vacation in the Northwoods of Minnesota and I must say not knowing what day it is and having the only decision I truly make is which book to read next has been fantastic!
Just wanted to send a quick (or not so quick) update on the blog about the adoption. If you follow my updates, you know that in order to get my 2 boys I have to get a 3rd boy because they are telling me I have to be married. I found this out right after I returned to Nicaragua and I was frustrated and feeling down. Most people my age are married and having kids of their own, so I began to question why I'm not. Please don't answer that question :-)
Anyways, I had begun to accept that, but then realized I couldn't. I got information for yet ANOTHER lawyer (bonus: she speaks English) and wrote her an e-mail to ask her about the newest rules in Nicaragua. She confirmed that you had to be married in order to adopt from Nicaragua so I asked her to keep me posted if/when that rule ever changes. She told me that she would do that and I thought it was over. Well, I just could not let it go. I waited a few weeks, and wrote to her 2 weeks ago just to confirm what she had told me and asked if they ever make exceptions to the rule. She wrote back and said that they sometime do. I was THRILLED but very skeptically optimistic. She asked me to write her the story of how I met the boys and asked her to consider making an excpetion due to their age. She wanted to be VERY clear that this was not a yes, but she agreed to "present my case" at her next meeting with Mi Familia (like DHS in the states.)
So, where does this leave things?? Well, it's clear as mud as to when this is all going to take place, but this serves as a plead with you all to pray! A few friends and I are entering a 40 day fast on August 8 and I am hoping that this will bring me closer to the God who holds this all in His hands and gives me the favor and direction I need to move forward.
Here are a few ways you can pray specifically:
1. God's will to ultimately prevail and for me to be able to accept that in ALL things.
2. Obviously, that the boys can come home and be with me. I am fully confident that if that happens, all other things that we need will be provided for us.
3. Patience, provision, and a stenghtining of my faith to pull me through this all.
I am TRULY humbled and grateful for all the prayers and well wishes that I get from people that I don't expect to get them from. Seriously, you guys are the best. I can't even begin to tell you how I see God's hand in all of this through all of you.
I will keep you all posted, but in the mean time....your prayers are coveted and appreciated! I thank you for riding this roller coaster with me for these past 5 years!!!
I leave with a verse that has been showing itself in the past few weeks especially that I have grown to love!
"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Processing...
Well, I have been home for almost 2 weeks and when people ask me about my trip, I still get tears and am not sure how to answer them. How can I put in to words what I felt like to be back in Nicaragua, and even more see my little loves again? So, all I can do is try...
My trip ended up being delayed by one day because of bad weather in Houston. So, while I was bummed I am glad that I didn't find out when I showed up at the airport at 4 am! I flew in on a Saturday and was instantly sweating...it is SO hot there in May! I stayed with Emily and Laura and it just didn't feel like it had been 2 years. I can never describe to people the bond that you have when you live with someone in a foreign country and I still can't. It was just great, love those girls!
On Sunday we went to church and to the beach. The awe of that never gets old to me...laying in a hammock, reading a book and listening to the crash of the waves is simply amazing.
On Monday I was able to spend some time at NCA and saw my kiddos who are now in 6th grade. It's crazy to me to think that they were only in 1st grade when I met them. They are all so big and smart and just doing so well. I saw a lot of familiar faces and got lots of sweaty but sweet hugs. It felt good.
On Tuesday I met my friend Tim who runs a scholarship program based on a grant that he got through a world known organization ( and I can't remember the name of it!). I am blessed to be able to sponser Jose Angel. He is in elementary school in a private school in his neighborhood near Managua. Tim has asked if I wanted to meet him and I must admit I was a bit nervous to go, mainly because of the language barrier. But he took me to his house, and he wasn't there. His father's girlfriend told Tim that he has been wanting to be in the streets and has not been attending school. I should back up the bus a bit. About 2 months ago, I got a message from Tim that Jose Angel was sick and they initially thought he had gotten a virus from a bug bite but since it was not getting better they checked him for leukemia. Well, long story short they have ruled that out as well but he is not anemic. Anyways, he has not been in school since then and has wanted to be on the streets. We told her we would be back to check if he was back. I went to the schools to see them, visited a few more scholarship kids and went back to Jose Angel's house. He was there and so I was able to meet with him. We were not able to communicate but his father said that he is not making good choices and we just shared that we want what is best for him and that Tim and I will support him in whatever way we can. After seeing the house, my heart broke. We went straight to the grocery store and bought a heaping cart full of food for him and his family. It baffles me how every time I am there, I am struck by the sad reality of the reality of the lack of resources these people suffer with daily. It was absolutely nothing for me to go buy them a cart full of food, but their gratitude and joy will never be forgotten by me. We had a few more adventures that day, but I went home with a full heart. It was refreshing to see someone SO passionate about the work they are doing. I was amazed at what I saw and so grateful to play a small role in it.
Wednesday was the big day. I got on a little tiny plane with Tim and flew to Puerto Cabezas to see my boys. I was SO nervous on that little plane (sorry again Tim for the death grip I had on you) and when it landed, I cried. I was so relieved, but I believe more than that the reality that I got to hugs my littles became a reality. It was really happening! My friend Camille met us at the airport and we went to the orphanage. I was shaking and didn't stop talking. I didn't really know what to expect. I saw Leo first, and he was very shy and hid behind Camille. He looking at me like he knew me, but he wasn't quite sure what to do. Then I saw Frankie from a distance and had to control my urge to just go grab him. He was in his room and wouldn't come out, but once he did, the reunion was so sweet. He hugged and talked for a bit and I just couldn't get enough of them. They got comfortable real fast and so did I. They showed me around and we talked and they played on my phone and mostly looked at my pictures. We hung out for a bit and then they had to do tutoring and rest time, so we went to the beach. It was fun but I was anxious to get back. We went back and I brought them some cars and other little toys and just talked and hung out. I asked Frankie if he liked it there. He looked right at me and said "No, I want to go with you. Please, take me to your house." Well, in true Angie fashion I started bawling and told him that I would try. They ate dinner and then we had to leave. The next morning I was up at 4:30 because I was so excited to see them again. I just had a few minutes with them before they went to school. I hugged them, told them I loved them, dripping tears and snot on them and left. They both asked if I could come back, and of course I promised that I would. And then I was left to process it. I'm still there, still not sure how to process it all. Bottom line, I am so grateful to have had the chance. I'm beyond aware of how God timed it and orchestrated the whole trip. I'm forever grateful for Tim who made the trip with me. And to Camille, who planned and organized this all as well as traveled several hours by boat to make this possible. My heart was full. Tim, I don't know if you will read this (probably not) but I can never repay you for your role in this. You saw me and my best and you saw me at my worst. That is no easy task! So, THANK YOU!!!
When we got back to Managua, I was just sad. I had to say good bye to my boys and my heart was broken. I also knew the good byes with every one else had to start and it's hard. Love to go see people but my heart rips out of my chest when I have to leave again.
So, what's the next step? I don't know, I still will try whatever I can to bring Frankie and Leo home with me if it's possible. I have connections to a lawyer but need a husband before I can adopt. They recently changed the law that single people can not adopt. But I refuse to give up, and I know that if this is going to happen it will and God will provide ALL things needed (including a husband if that is the case).
So, how was my trip? Loaded question, and I still don't know how to answer. My heart aches to return and if they told me I had to move there to get the boys I would invite you all to my going away party :-) Please pray for me, for the boys, for clarity, and for all things to be what they will be. I pray that this is just another step in the journey with my loves. Only time will tell...
Thank you ALL for still reading, it means so much that people still care and still ask. Makes me feel loved <3
My trip ended up being delayed by one day because of bad weather in Houston. So, while I was bummed I am glad that I didn't find out when I showed up at the airport at 4 am! I flew in on a Saturday and was instantly sweating...it is SO hot there in May! I stayed with Emily and Laura and it just didn't feel like it had been 2 years. I can never describe to people the bond that you have when you live with someone in a foreign country and I still can't. It was just great, love those girls!
On Sunday we went to church and to the beach. The awe of that never gets old to me...laying in a hammock, reading a book and listening to the crash of the waves is simply amazing.
On Monday I was able to spend some time at NCA and saw my kiddos who are now in 6th grade. It's crazy to me to think that they were only in 1st grade when I met them. They are all so big and smart and just doing so well. I saw a lot of familiar faces and got lots of sweaty but sweet hugs. It felt good.
On Tuesday I met my friend Tim who runs a scholarship program based on a grant that he got through a world known organization ( and I can't remember the name of it!). I am blessed to be able to sponser Jose Angel. He is in elementary school in a private school in his neighborhood near Managua. Tim has asked if I wanted to meet him and I must admit I was a bit nervous to go, mainly because of the language barrier. But he took me to his house, and he wasn't there. His father's girlfriend told Tim that he has been wanting to be in the streets and has not been attending school. I should back up the bus a bit. About 2 months ago, I got a message from Tim that Jose Angel was sick and they initially thought he had gotten a virus from a bug bite but since it was not getting better they checked him for leukemia. Well, long story short they have ruled that out as well but he is not anemic. Anyways, he has not been in school since then and has wanted to be on the streets. We told her we would be back to check if he was back. I went to the schools to see them, visited a few more scholarship kids and went back to Jose Angel's house. He was there and so I was able to meet with him. We were not able to communicate but his father said that he is not making good choices and we just shared that we want what is best for him and that Tim and I will support him in whatever way we can. After seeing the house, my heart broke. We went straight to the grocery store and bought a heaping cart full of food for him and his family. It baffles me how every time I am there, I am struck by the sad reality of the reality of the lack of resources these people suffer with daily. It was absolutely nothing for me to go buy them a cart full of food, but their gratitude and joy will never be forgotten by me. We had a few more adventures that day, but I went home with a full heart. It was refreshing to see someone SO passionate about the work they are doing. I was amazed at what I saw and so grateful to play a small role in it.
Wednesday was the big day. I got on a little tiny plane with Tim and flew to Puerto Cabezas to see my boys. I was SO nervous on that little plane (sorry again Tim for the death grip I had on you) and when it landed, I cried. I was so relieved, but I believe more than that the reality that I got to hugs my littles became a reality. It was really happening! My friend Camille met us at the airport and we went to the orphanage. I was shaking and didn't stop talking. I didn't really know what to expect. I saw Leo first, and he was very shy and hid behind Camille. He looking at me like he knew me, but he wasn't quite sure what to do. Then I saw Frankie from a distance and had to control my urge to just go grab him. He was in his room and wouldn't come out, but once he did, the reunion was so sweet. He hugged and talked for a bit and I just couldn't get enough of them. They got comfortable real fast and so did I. They showed me around and we talked and they played on my phone and mostly looked at my pictures. We hung out for a bit and then they had to do tutoring and rest time, so we went to the beach. It was fun but I was anxious to get back. We went back and I brought them some cars and other little toys and just talked and hung out. I asked Frankie if he liked it there. He looked right at me and said "No, I want to go with you. Please, take me to your house." Well, in true Angie fashion I started bawling and told him that I would try. They ate dinner and then we had to leave. The next morning I was up at 4:30 because I was so excited to see them again. I just had a few minutes with them before they went to school. I hugged them, told them I loved them, dripping tears and snot on them and left. They both asked if I could come back, and of course I promised that I would. And then I was left to process it. I'm still there, still not sure how to process it all. Bottom line, I am so grateful to have had the chance. I'm beyond aware of how God timed it and orchestrated the whole trip. I'm forever grateful for Tim who made the trip with me. And to Camille, who planned and organized this all as well as traveled several hours by boat to make this possible. My heart was full. Tim, I don't know if you will read this (probably not) but I can never repay you for your role in this. You saw me and my best and you saw me at my worst. That is no easy task! So, THANK YOU!!!
When we got back to Managua, I was just sad. I had to say good bye to my boys and my heart was broken. I also knew the good byes with every one else had to start and it's hard. Love to go see people but my heart rips out of my chest when I have to leave again.
So, what's the next step? I don't know, I still will try whatever I can to bring Frankie and Leo home with me if it's possible. I have connections to a lawyer but need a husband before I can adopt. They recently changed the law that single people can not adopt. But I refuse to give up, and I know that if this is going to happen it will and God will provide ALL things needed (including a husband if that is the case).
So, how was my trip? Loaded question, and I still don't know how to answer. My heart aches to return and if they told me I had to move there to get the boys I would invite you all to my going away party :-) Please pray for me, for the boys, for clarity, and for all things to be what they will be. I pray that this is just another step in the journey with my loves. Only time will tell...
Thank you ALL for still reading, it means so much that people still care and still ask. Makes me feel loved <3
Friday, March 18, 2016
(Untitled)
Like the title of my entry for today, I feel untitled. I feel like there are just no words to help myself understand the events of this last week. Writing has become a tool for me to express how I feel, weirdly at times like this when it feels like there are just no words.
Saturday night, I got a message from a friend of mine that told me that she had just found out that Frankie and Leo had been moved back to Wauspum, were they were originally from. My heart sank, my sadness overflowed out my eyes and I cried for my boys...I mean really cried. I had known that they were in an orphanage in Managua, and I would periodically get updates from someone there who had gone to see them. The response when I asked how they are doing has always been "ok". So, I know that if someone is telling me ok, that it's probably not good. My heart breaks, I cry some more and I lay awake at night worrying about them, praying that above all else they would feel their heavenly Father wrap his arms around them and for them to never fear and never feel alone.
Monday I got a message from a friend of mine, whom I met while I was living in Nicaragua who had just been to the orphanage they are in now. I of course wrote to her and asked how they were doing. She was honest, which broke my heart again. They are struggling, they are confused, they are having a hard time adjusting. She didn't even know how to put it in to words. And my heart broke again. They remember me, they ask for me, they want me to come to them. And here I sit, one of the few times in my life where I know there is nothing I can do from here. And my heart broke again. And yet I keep hearing that still small voice telling me not to ask "Why?" but to turn the attention back to the "WHO." This is a time when I must fully trust that God's got this, that he holds it all in the palm of his hand. That even when I have no words, no solutions, nothing I can do to make any of this better...HE DOES! It's hard, and it sucks. I don't feel like I can talk about it, because honestly people don't understand how I feel or that this journey is on my mind all the time and that I struggle and want those boys with me. The point of it all is to bring glory back to that Father, but right now, I'm not so sure how and that I even can do that.
And today, as I watched my friend carry the casket holding his twin boys, who were stillborn this week I am reminded again that we will never know WHY but we must learn to focus on WHO. Most days, that struggle is too real and I can't do it. But I must trust that all things work together for our good and God will not hurt the hearts of those who love him.
So, while the load feels especially heavy and my words have only been able to expressed by tears, I keep trying to find the WHO and trust that all things will work together for my good, for Frankie's good, and for Leo's good. While I continue to hope that it could be make complete and we could be together, I have no choice but to focus on the God who hold us each in His loving hand and hears my teardrops as prayers.
At the funeral today, they played the song I have posted above entitled "It Is Well". Take a moment to listen to it. I am not at a point that I can say that all is well with my soul, but I know the fight to get there will be worth it in the end.
"Through it all, through it all my eyes are on you
Through it all, through it all it is well
Through it all, through it all my eyes are on you
And it is well with me."
And it is well with me"
Friday, October 9, 2015
Another update...
I know, I know it's been a long time since I've written and there is a reason...just not a good one :-)
I wanted to give you a quick (ok, we know I don't do these quick) update an further adoption stuff so the best place to start is at the beginning.
Anyone who knows me, knows that my heart is to bring Frankie home with me. I have loved that little man since the first time I picked him up when he was 2 years old. Those dark brown eyes had me at hello.
In April, I got a message from a friend in Nicaragua who asked if I was still wanting to adopt Frankie, my response was a quick and loud yes! She passed along information for a lawyer who may be able to help me and I sent an e-mail. She responded and told me what needed to be done and even though I had done it before it all felt new to me. She had me send information on the boys because I felt like I would try get Leo as well. Their bond is that of brothers and I knew if it was in my power, they would not be split up. Anyways, I did the initial things that she asked me to do, and waited to hear back from her.
In July, she told me that since I knew the child I was wanting to adopt, I had to write a letter directly to the director of Mi Familia to request that they allow me to work on the specific boys. I wrote my biography, spoke of the connection I had to them, and sent it in. She told me she would present it to the director and get back to me. Well, she got back to me last night. It was a short e-mail telling me that it would not be possible for me to get the boys because you can't adopt as a single person if you don't have Nicaraguan residency.
I read a quote recently that says " When you go through a trial, THE SOVEREIGNTY OF GOD is the pillow upon which you lay your head." The pillow is tear stained today, but I trust in God's ultimate plan for mine and the boys' life. I had so desperately hoped that our lives would be together. I don't know what the next step is for me, the desire to adopt that has been in my heart since I was 12 is still there, but after 2 failed attempts, I feel like I need to rest for awhile. It has been a whirlwind of emotions and a sad reality for me. The biggest struggle is that I know they are just a number where they are at, and my heart breaks daily for my little loves when I think about how they live day in and day out.
So, as always, here are the things you can pray for:
~Just peace, straight up peace about it all
~Bigger faith to trust that this is the right thing, even though it feels just awful
~Protection for the boys, I'm so glad they don't know what is going on and most importantly that they would grow to know and love the God who loves them more that they can imagine
~Clear answers to all the questions that are swirling around in my head right now
~A shot gun wedding with a groom who loves the Lord and wants to jump in to an adoption process for 2 of the cutest 7 years olds around :-)
Thanks again for reading, I do so much feel your love and prayers. If you happen to see me and ask about it, expect some tears. Much love to you all!
I wanted to give you a quick (ok, we know I don't do these quick) update an further adoption stuff so the best place to start is at the beginning.
Anyone who knows me, knows that my heart is to bring Frankie home with me. I have loved that little man since the first time I picked him up when he was 2 years old. Those dark brown eyes had me at hello.
In April, I got a message from a friend in Nicaragua who asked if I was still wanting to adopt Frankie, my response was a quick and loud yes! She passed along information for a lawyer who may be able to help me and I sent an e-mail. She responded and told me what needed to be done and even though I had done it before it all felt new to me. She had me send information on the boys because I felt like I would try get Leo as well. Their bond is that of brothers and I knew if it was in my power, they would not be split up. Anyways, I did the initial things that she asked me to do, and waited to hear back from her.
In July, she told me that since I knew the child I was wanting to adopt, I had to write a letter directly to the director of Mi Familia to request that they allow me to work on the specific boys. I wrote my biography, spoke of the connection I had to them, and sent it in. She told me she would present it to the director and get back to me. Well, she got back to me last night. It was a short e-mail telling me that it would not be possible for me to get the boys because you can't adopt as a single person if you don't have Nicaraguan residency.
I read a quote recently that says " When you go through a trial, THE SOVEREIGNTY OF GOD is the pillow upon which you lay your head." The pillow is tear stained today, but I trust in God's ultimate plan for mine and the boys' life. I had so desperately hoped that our lives would be together. I don't know what the next step is for me, the desire to adopt that has been in my heart since I was 12 is still there, but after 2 failed attempts, I feel like I need to rest for awhile. It has been a whirlwind of emotions and a sad reality for me. The biggest struggle is that I know they are just a number where they are at, and my heart breaks daily for my little loves when I think about how they live day in and day out.
So, as always, here are the things you can pray for:
~Just peace, straight up peace about it all
~Bigger faith to trust that this is the right thing, even though it feels just awful
~Protection for the boys, I'm so glad they don't know what is going on and most importantly that they would grow to know and love the God who loves them more that they can imagine
~Clear answers to all the questions that are swirling around in my head right now
~A shot gun wedding with a groom who loves the Lord and wants to jump in to an adoption process for 2 of the cutest 7 years olds around :-)
Thanks again for reading, I do so much feel your love and prayers. If you happen to see me and ask about it, expect some tears. Much love to you all!
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Just sharing...
Last Sunday, March 1st I was asked to speak in church on a specific passage where God tells Abram to leave his country and his home. If you know me at all, you know I said no twice before I agreed to do it. I have actually had a few requests to be able to read my story again so I just wanted to share it here. I am so thankful for all of you who still check in on me and my Nica story, as I believe it is not over...perhaps more my 2 previous years there were just a beginning :-)
Here it is:
Genesis 12:1-2
“The Lord had said to Abram, ‘Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.”
Wow, what a calling! What a difficult thing to hear from God, what a way to get Abram to perk his ears and say…excuse me, what did you say?
Leave your country, your people and your father’s household. This is a call I have heard a time or 2 in my life, but I want to share with you about the one time that I actually did it. In 2008, Amy signed up for a SERVE trip to go to Nicaragua, a country I had never heard of. I was finishing up my Masters so I knew that I would not have the time or money to go, but I thought it was really cool of her to want to go. My thought was that I would pack a suitcase of baby stuff, because everyone knows they need that in foreign countries, hug her at the airport and be jealous of her tan when she returned home. Well, as the time approached Amy got a teaching job and would not be able to go. Someone asked if I wanted to go in her place. Why not? Of course, my first thought was no but then I remembered the trip was in January and it would be cold here. So, I thought more about it and decided against all my better judgment that I would go. My main motivation was the sunshine. So, I packed my own suitcase of baby stuff, hugged Amy at the airport and was off. When we arrived in Nicaragua with the team, I wasn’t sure I should get off the plane. I DID NOT want to be there and I thought I should just go right back to Houston. My mom talked me out of that, and I reluctantly got off the plane. My first impression was that it was smelly, sweaty, and dirty. I was not in love with it. Even worse, when we found out where we would be staying and there was cold water and no air conditioning, I knew this was not the place for me. You see, Nicaragua and I had a love/hate relationship…and I hated it! I was searching the internet for flights home, and even remember a sweet late night conversation with my mom saying “If you still hate it by Monday, we’ll call dad and he will get you a ticket.” I remember banking on that promise from my mom. I don’t remember specifically the chain of events over those next few days when my relationship with Nicaragua took a turn for the better, but it was turning into a love and I was excited about it. We went to a mountainous region in Nicaragua, and I still remember the sounds, the sights, and the smells of that place. I remember the faces of those people who were filled with gratitude over the little things that we accomplished in those few days. It wasn’t about the cement we poured or the well that we painted, it was that we spent our time in a part of the world that can feel so forgotten. We worked in the village with the people and I remember thinking that through all the things we did for them, I was the one who was getting the benefit. As we drove home on the bus from that trip, I’ll never forget looking up in the clear sky that night through tear filled eyes thinking…you would not do this to me, would you God??
As our trip wound down, I remember thinking “I’ll be back Nicaragua.” As our plane landed in Houston, I remember that sense of feeling that I just didn’t want to be here…let me stay on this plane and fly back to Managua. What a difference 10 days makes!
Over the next 2 years as I finished up school and got my first real job, I struggled daily with feeling like things just weren’t right, something always felt off. Nothing seemed to work out the way I wanted it to, and I knew there had to be more to this life then what I was doing. To say I was in denial of what God was telling me would be an understatement. Looking back, I knew what he was telling me but I refused to listen.
In November of 2009, I had gone back to visit Nicaragua on my own and was staying with some dear friends. As we were sitting out on the porch watching the sun go down, so said “so when are you going to move here?” I laughed and was speechless, I never answered that question. To think of moving there was so overwhelming, specifically leaving my family for any more than a week was not going to happen in my mind. I entertained her idea by talking with her some more, while she told me I should talk to Liam, who was the director of NCA at that time. She told me of an opportunity that was at the school, and how they arrange volunteers to go down for one semester, about 4 months at a time. Again, I nodded like that would ever happen, but that felt too long. She encouraged me to talk to him, I agreed to do that because I was going to the school the next day. That night, I prayed that God would show me His way, and if I was to talk with Liam, the opportunity would present itself. I was nervous going to the school, knowing the pressure I had put on myself. As my luck had it, Liam was out at a conference that entire day. I wasn’t sure how to feel at that point, but in my mind it seemed clear that I was not to talk with him. I promised that if I happen to run in to him in Managua, a town of over one million people, I would do it It was my way of shutting down the fear of what Liam would tell me, but I felt it was justified.
Well, as He always does…God one uped me. As I was preparing to board my flight to come back to the States that November day, in to the airport walks Liam and of course, he was not only on my flight, our seats were near each other. I couldn’t pretend that I didn’t see him. It was a divine appointment like no other. I asked questions as though asking them for someone else’s information, and I was just sure I was fooling myself and him at that point. I told him I would pass along information to anyone who I thought needed it and went on my way. I knew at that point that that anyone was me.
Adjusting to the States after this trip was difficult. Life didn’t feel like life, it felt like a routine that I just didn’t want to be a part of anymore. After much prayer and wanted and unwanted advice from people, I decided to apply. Discontentment led me to my biggest blessing.
In February, we began the interview process. I had one last phone interview and Liam told me that he had to wait until the board meeting to review everything so it would be a week. 20 minutes later I had an e-mail asking me to please join them in Nicaragua for the 2010 school year. I was ecstatic, scared, yet have never to this day felt the peace that I felt on that day. I knew this was the right thing.
I moved down to Nicaragua in August of 2010. I worked at the school doing things that I never thought I would do…and love almost every minute of it. From the second the plane landed, I felt like I was home. My mom recalls one of the times I had gone to visit, I called very quickly just to let them know that I had made it. She tells me that she hung up the phone, looked at my dad and said “we’ve lost her.” It was home, I still consider it home in so many ways.
God gave me a gift, and it took me 2 years to truly find it. People often ask how or why I did it. To be honest, it was because God told me to. I experienced so many things in Nicaragua, not all of them positive, but experiences none the less. I loved on children who will never know the love of another adult. I taught 2 boys how to speak English in a school where it was necessary. I held the hand of a young woman who was dying of cancer, just weeks after she accepted her Savior. I witnessed speaking in tongues for the first time in my life. I fed the elderly and hungry. I received words of prophecy that were spot on. I witnessed growth and change, and most importantly it was my own heart that grew and was changed. I witnessed so many miracles and healing than I thought I could have ever expected to witness in a life time. My view of the world is just different, I can’t explain why but it just is. My eyes don’t see things the way that they used to.
Was it brave? No, it was obedient. God gave me these desires, and he brought them to be. I will forever cherish my time there, and can see my life leading me back to Nicaragua one day. As in all things, when God wants something done, He does it. It may take months, or in my case years, to get there, but He will bring it forth when the time is right.
Leave your country, your people and your father’s household. You never know how blessed you can be for doing it.
Here it is:
Genesis 12:1-2
“The Lord had said to Abram, ‘Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.”
Wow, what a calling! What a difficult thing to hear from God, what a way to get Abram to perk his ears and say…excuse me, what did you say?
Leave your country, your people and your father’s household. This is a call I have heard a time or 2 in my life, but I want to share with you about the one time that I actually did it. In 2008, Amy signed up for a SERVE trip to go to Nicaragua, a country I had never heard of. I was finishing up my Masters so I knew that I would not have the time or money to go, but I thought it was really cool of her to want to go. My thought was that I would pack a suitcase of baby stuff, because everyone knows they need that in foreign countries, hug her at the airport and be jealous of her tan when she returned home. Well, as the time approached Amy got a teaching job and would not be able to go. Someone asked if I wanted to go in her place. Why not? Of course, my first thought was no but then I remembered the trip was in January and it would be cold here. So, I thought more about it and decided against all my better judgment that I would go. My main motivation was the sunshine. So, I packed my own suitcase of baby stuff, hugged Amy at the airport and was off. When we arrived in Nicaragua with the team, I wasn’t sure I should get off the plane. I DID NOT want to be there and I thought I should just go right back to Houston. My mom talked me out of that, and I reluctantly got off the plane. My first impression was that it was smelly, sweaty, and dirty. I was not in love with it. Even worse, when we found out where we would be staying and there was cold water and no air conditioning, I knew this was not the place for me. You see, Nicaragua and I had a love/hate relationship…and I hated it! I was searching the internet for flights home, and even remember a sweet late night conversation with my mom saying “If you still hate it by Monday, we’ll call dad and he will get you a ticket.” I remember banking on that promise from my mom. I don’t remember specifically the chain of events over those next few days when my relationship with Nicaragua took a turn for the better, but it was turning into a love and I was excited about it. We went to a mountainous region in Nicaragua, and I still remember the sounds, the sights, and the smells of that place. I remember the faces of those people who were filled with gratitude over the little things that we accomplished in those few days. It wasn’t about the cement we poured or the well that we painted, it was that we spent our time in a part of the world that can feel so forgotten. We worked in the village with the people and I remember thinking that through all the things we did for them, I was the one who was getting the benefit. As we drove home on the bus from that trip, I’ll never forget looking up in the clear sky that night through tear filled eyes thinking…you would not do this to me, would you God??
As our trip wound down, I remember thinking “I’ll be back Nicaragua.” As our plane landed in Houston, I remember that sense of feeling that I just didn’t want to be here…let me stay on this plane and fly back to Managua. What a difference 10 days makes!
Over the next 2 years as I finished up school and got my first real job, I struggled daily with feeling like things just weren’t right, something always felt off. Nothing seemed to work out the way I wanted it to, and I knew there had to be more to this life then what I was doing. To say I was in denial of what God was telling me would be an understatement. Looking back, I knew what he was telling me but I refused to listen.
In November of 2009, I had gone back to visit Nicaragua on my own and was staying with some dear friends. As we were sitting out on the porch watching the sun go down, so said “so when are you going to move here?” I laughed and was speechless, I never answered that question. To think of moving there was so overwhelming, specifically leaving my family for any more than a week was not going to happen in my mind. I entertained her idea by talking with her some more, while she told me I should talk to Liam, who was the director of NCA at that time. She told me of an opportunity that was at the school, and how they arrange volunteers to go down for one semester, about 4 months at a time. Again, I nodded like that would ever happen, but that felt too long. She encouraged me to talk to him, I agreed to do that because I was going to the school the next day. That night, I prayed that God would show me His way, and if I was to talk with Liam, the opportunity would present itself. I was nervous going to the school, knowing the pressure I had put on myself. As my luck had it, Liam was out at a conference that entire day. I wasn’t sure how to feel at that point, but in my mind it seemed clear that I was not to talk with him. I promised that if I happen to run in to him in Managua, a town of over one million people, I would do it It was my way of shutting down the fear of what Liam would tell me, but I felt it was justified.
Well, as He always does…God one uped me. As I was preparing to board my flight to come back to the States that November day, in to the airport walks Liam and of course, he was not only on my flight, our seats were near each other. I couldn’t pretend that I didn’t see him. It was a divine appointment like no other. I asked questions as though asking them for someone else’s information, and I was just sure I was fooling myself and him at that point. I told him I would pass along information to anyone who I thought needed it and went on my way. I knew at that point that that anyone was me.
Adjusting to the States after this trip was difficult. Life didn’t feel like life, it felt like a routine that I just didn’t want to be a part of anymore. After much prayer and wanted and unwanted advice from people, I decided to apply. Discontentment led me to my biggest blessing.
In February, we began the interview process. I had one last phone interview and Liam told me that he had to wait until the board meeting to review everything so it would be a week. 20 minutes later I had an e-mail asking me to please join them in Nicaragua for the 2010 school year. I was ecstatic, scared, yet have never to this day felt the peace that I felt on that day. I knew this was the right thing.
I moved down to Nicaragua in August of 2010. I worked at the school doing things that I never thought I would do…and love almost every minute of it. From the second the plane landed, I felt like I was home. My mom recalls one of the times I had gone to visit, I called very quickly just to let them know that I had made it. She tells me that she hung up the phone, looked at my dad and said “we’ve lost her.” It was home, I still consider it home in so many ways.
God gave me a gift, and it took me 2 years to truly find it. People often ask how or why I did it. To be honest, it was because God told me to. I experienced so many things in Nicaragua, not all of them positive, but experiences none the less. I loved on children who will never know the love of another adult. I taught 2 boys how to speak English in a school where it was necessary. I held the hand of a young woman who was dying of cancer, just weeks after she accepted her Savior. I witnessed speaking in tongues for the first time in my life. I fed the elderly and hungry. I received words of prophecy that were spot on. I witnessed growth and change, and most importantly it was my own heart that grew and was changed. I witnessed so many miracles and healing than I thought I could have ever expected to witness in a life time. My view of the world is just different, I can’t explain why but it just is. My eyes don’t see things the way that they used to.
Was it brave? No, it was obedient. God gave me these desires, and he brought them to be. I will forever cherish my time there, and can see my life leading me back to Nicaragua one day. As in all things, when God wants something done, He does it. It may take months, or in my case years, to get there, but He will bring it forth when the time is right.
Leave your country, your people and your father’s household. You never know how blessed you can be for doing it.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Struggling...
Good morning dear friends~
Yep, I'm writing again...don't get too excited, nothing much going on, just taking advantage of my free therapy by putting my thoughts in to words!
As you can see by the title of this post...I'm struggling. If the time shows up on these, that could be a great second clue. You all know how I HATE getting up early, and how much I love my sleep. It's 6:03 AM on a Saturday morning, YUCK!!
I am struggling...A LOT this last week. I share this because I am asking for your prayers. I think sometimes we don't feel like it's ok to admit that we are struggling, but the reason I write this is simply because I do think it's ok. It can be a hard to ask for help, but I believe that is why we have people in our lives, for the good and bad times.
Nothing is going like it's supposed to. There, I said it without guilt this time. Honestly, I have struggled with life for the past 2 years. I remember those first few days and weeks home from Nicaragua with tears running down my eyes. To say it was a difficult adjustment would be an understatement, I felt like a foreigner in my own home. And, I still do. I keep thinking it will get better, but it doesn't seem to. I feel like I've been so out of place since I moved back, still trying to figure out where I am supposed to be. I have had 4 new jobs since I moved back. Nothing is working out on the job front, and it's getting exhausting. I have no home, no place to call my own...and haven't for 2 years. It's frustrating. This is not where I expected, or want to be in life. So, what can I do about it? I am trying to bask in the knowledge that this is temporary, God is faithful, and he works all things together for GOOD. But, that's just REALLY hard. I don't know what the next step is, and I think I keep trying to find it in all the wrong places. I'm asking you to pray for a true sense of direction for me. I have no idea what the next few months look like, and while I like a good adventure, I would like some "settle" in my life.
Now, I can't say that nothing good has happened in the past 2 years, because that is simply not true either. I am SO, SO blessed in so many ways, and I am grateful for that. I am not complaining, I am being honest. I do love being back home and around friends and family, you truly don't realize how much you miss that until you don't have it. That was my biggest struggle when I did live in Nicaragua, and mostly it was missing the day to day stuff of being around my nieces and nephews. You all know I'm crazy, obsessive aunt who is too much in love with those 5 little people.
I have hope that someday I will look back on ALL of this and say "I wouldn't have had it any other way"...
Yep, I'm writing again...don't get too excited, nothing much going on, just taking advantage of my free therapy by putting my thoughts in to words!
As you can see by the title of this post...I'm struggling. If the time shows up on these, that could be a great second clue. You all know how I HATE getting up early, and how much I love my sleep. It's 6:03 AM on a Saturday morning, YUCK!!
I am struggling...A LOT this last week. I share this because I am asking for your prayers. I think sometimes we don't feel like it's ok to admit that we are struggling, but the reason I write this is simply because I do think it's ok. It can be a hard to ask for help, but I believe that is why we have people in our lives, for the good and bad times.
Nothing is going like it's supposed to. There, I said it without guilt this time. Honestly, I have struggled with life for the past 2 years. I remember those first few days and weeks home from Nicaragua with tears running down my eyes. To say it was a difficult adjustment would be an understatement, I felt like a foreigner in my own home. And, I still do. I keep thinking it will get better, but it doesn't seem to. I feel like I've been so out of place since I moved back, still trying to figure out where I am supposed to be. I have had 4 new jobs since I moved back. Nothing is working out on the job front, and it's getting exhausting. I have no home, no place to call my own...and haven't for 2 years. It's frustrating. This is not where I expected, or want to be in life. So, what can I do about it? I am trying to bask in the knowledge that this is temporary, God is faithful, and he works all things together for GOOD. But, that's just REALLY hard. I don't know what the next step is, and I think I keep trying to find it in all the wrong places. I'm asking you to pray for a true sense of direction for me. I have no idea what the next few months look like, and while I like a good adventure, I would like some "settle" in my life.
Now, I can't say that nothing good has happened in the past 2 years, because that is simply not true either. I am SO, SO blessed in so many ways, and I am grateful for that. I am not complaining, I am being honest. I do love being back home and around friends and family, you truly don't realize how much you miss that until you don't have it. That was my biggest struggle when I did live in Nicaragua, and mostly it was missing the day to day stuff of being around my nieces and nephews. You all know I'm crazy, obsessive aunt who is too much in love with those 5 little people.
I have hope that someday I will look back on ALL of this and say "I wouldn't have had it any other way"...
Sunday, June 15, 2014
A Heavy Heart...
Hello friends~
Just a quick update and a huge request for prayers...
The family who are in the process of adopting Antonio have lost their 19 year old daughter in a tragic accident yesterday. I really do not know any details, and they don't really matter.
Taellor was a beautiful girl who had a heart to love the way that Jesus did. She has been very involved in the family's decision to adopt Antonio, which has been an extreme source of comfort to me. While I never met her, I love her because she saw the same potential in Antonio that I did. She knew that he needed to be a part of their family, and God used her to give him the family that my heart so desired.
My heart breaks for the little man that I love who lost his sister, in a world were he most likely struggles to understand much of what is going on. His tiny heart must be breaking...with no words to help him understand why.
Please join me in praying for this family, for Antonio, and the missionary community of Nicaragua that was my own family as they mourn the loss of there daughter, sister, and friend...
Just a quick update and a huge request for prayers...
The family who are in the process of adopting Antonio have lost their 19 year old daughter in a tragic accident yesterday. I really do not know any details, and they don't really matter.
Taellor was a beautiful girl who had a heart to love the way that Jesus did. She has been very involved in the family's decision to adopt Antonio, which has been an extreme source of comfort to me. While I never met her, I love her because she saw the same potential in Antonio that I did. She knew that he needed to be a part of their family, and God used her to give him the family that my heart so desired.
My heart breaks for the little man that I love who lost his sister, in a world were he most likely struggles to understand much of what is going on. His tiny heart must be breaking...with no words to help him understand why.
Please join me in praying for this family, for Antonio, and the missionary community of Nicaragua that was my own family as they mourn the loss of there daughter, sister, and friend...
Friday, May 30, 2014
Alone with my thoughts...
Once again, here I am...alone with my thoughts. Again, I write this for me, but love to have you along for the journey if you so desire!
I landed back in the States 48 hours ago, so again...everything feels so different! It's been almost 2 year since I moved back from Nicaragua, but when I was there it felt like I had never left. Everything looks the same...yet it is all so different.
I have to admit, I was just sad being there. I find myself thinking of moving back there (at least 10 times) daily. I have to wonder...would it be the same? Would I enjoy it as much as I think I would? Someone asked me "Why did you move back the States in the first place?" I was quick to respond...I guess I thought it was time for me to "grow up", I had hopes of getting a great job, maybe settling down and getting married and starting a family of my own and living the American dream. It sounded so appealing, yet none of it has happened. So...what do you do when live just doesn't work out the way you thought it would? Well, I feel like the writing on the wall this time is just in a different language, and I'm trying to translate. What does all of this mean? I wish I knew...I guess I will just have to keep ya'll posted.
My visit to Nicaragua was truly bittersweet. I went to all the places that were so near and dear to my heart and loved every minute of it. It was so great to see old faces, go to all my old places and get lots of familiar hugs from kiddos whom I loved. Of course my favorite drive was the drive up the hill to see my Frankie. What a monkey! He is growing like crazy, and cute as ever! He's pure boy and loves life. My drive up the hill was followed by my typical drive back down the hill...tears and a broken heart! It's SO HARD to leave him, my deepest desire is to be with him. The first time those brown eyes looked up at me, lifted his arms to me and said "mama"...I was just simply in love and life hasn't been the same since...who knew you could love a little person that much...OK, all you moms know that you can :-)
Quick update on Antonio: He's doing great with is family, and is in preschool...something that I was told would never happen. PRAISE GOD for his faithfulness to his little man. Thriving and doing well!
Adoption info...some people are curious. My paperwork expired on May 20, and it was a day full of mixed emotions. Is it never going to happen? Actually, I believe it will but now is not the time, and I do have true peace about it all. I would LOVE to get Frankie, but it will take much change of heart and a true miracle. Join me in praying for one :-) In my mind, he will always be my little boy!
To those who actually read this...thanks! You are still an encouragement to me and I love it!
I landed back in the States 48 hours ago, so again...everything feels so different! It's been almost 2 year since I moved back from Nicaragua, but when I was there it felt like I had never left. Everything looks the same...yet it is all so different.
I have to admit, I was just sad being there. I find myself thinking of moving back there (at least 10 times) daily. I have to wonder...would it be the same? Would I enjoy it as much as I think I would? Someone asked me "Why did you move back the States in the first place?" I was quick to respond...I guess I thought it was time for me to "grow up", I had hopes of getting a great job, maybe settling down and getting married and starting a family of my own and living the American dream. It sounded so appealing, yet none of it has happened. So...what do you do when live just doesn't work out the way you thought it would? Well, I feel like the writing on the wall this time is just in a different language, and I'm trying to translate. What does all of this mean? I wish I knew...I guess I will just have to keep ya'll posted.
My visit to Nicaragua was truly bittersweet. I went to all the places that were so near and dear to my heart and loved every minute of it. It was so great to see old faces, go to all my old places and get lots of familiar hugs from kiddos whom I loved. Of course my favorite drive was the drive up the hill to see my Frankie. What a monkey! He is growing like crazy, and cute as ever! He's pure boy and loves life. My drive up the hill was followed by my typical drive back down the hill...tears and a broken heart! It's SO HARD to leave him, my deepest desire is to be with him. The first time those brown eyes looked up at me, lifted his arms to me and said "mama"...I was just simply in love and life hasn't been the same since...who knew you could love a little person that much...OK, all you moms know that you can :-)
Quick update on Antonio: He's doing great with is family, and is in preschool...something that I was told would never happen. PRAISE GOD for his faithfulness to his little man. Thriving and doing well!
Adoption info...some people are curious. My paperwork expired on May 20, and it was a day full of mixed emotions. Is it never going to happen? Actually, I believe it will but now is not the time, and I do have true peace about it all. I would LOVE to get Frankie, but it will take much change of heart and a true miracle. Join me in praying for one :-) In my mind, he will always be my little boy!
To those who actually read this...thanks! You are still an encouragement to me and I love it!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Happy New Year
Hello faithful blog readers~
Ok, so maybe 10 people read this, but as always I feel so much better when I "write" things down so someday I can re-read my own words and remember this journey that God is bringing me on.
Just a few quick prayers requests:
Antonio goes to meet his family tomorrow and they will take him for a home visit. I am TRULY ecstatic for him, yet sad for me. I just envisioned things to be so different. Pray that his adjustment is as smooth as possible, and BIG blessings on him and his family. Bitter sweetness again...
Pray for my future son...ok, or daughter (but I really want a boy) :-) My plan is to continue with the adoption process, and I'm kind of hoping that I can maybe get a baby...I guess that is most likely wishful thinking but I guess I can dream. I believe things didn't work with Antonio because there is just a better plan. God's YES is bigger than any NO any of us can mutter.
Pray for me as I make these and other big decisions...God is nudging me, just praying we can go in the same direction.
Thanks for all your love, encouragement, and support. You on the other screen are awesome and a blessing to me! I wish you all the best in this New Year...
Ok, so maybe 10 people read this, but as always I feel so much better when I "write" things down so someday I can re-read my own words and remember this journey that God is bringing me on.
Just a few quick prayers requests:
Antonio goes to meet his family tomorrow and they will take him for a home visit. I am TRULY ecstatic for him, yet sad for me. I just envisioned things to be so different. Pray that his adjustment is as smooth as possible, and BIG blessings on him and his family. Bitter sweetness again...
Pray for my future son...ok, or daughter (but I really want a boy) :-) My plan is to continue with the adoption process, and I'm kind of hoping that I can maybe get a baby...I guess that is most likely wishful thinking but I guess I can dream. I believe things didn't work with Antonio because there is just a better plan. God's YES is bigger than any NO any of us can mutter.
Pray for me as I make these and other big decisions...God is nudging me, just praying we can go in the same direction.
Thanks for all your love, encouragement, and support. You on the other screen are awesome and a blessing to me! I wish you all the best in this New Year...
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Bittersweet
I've used the term bittersweet several times in my life, but over the last month, I feel that I have truly defined what it has meant for me. Webster's Dictionary defines it as "pleasant but including or marked by elements of suffering or regret." Yep, Mr. Webster...you nailed it. You see my adoption has taken the bittersweet direction.
Let me go back to a month ago. Paperwork STILL sitting in an envelope on dad's desk, me thinking it had been sent weeks ago, him telling me that there was no reason it wasn't sent. SO, I got a call from Nica asking where it was and I replied with "It should be on it's way." E-mail dad, he tells me it is still sitting there. I asked why, he says as any typical man says "I don't know." I love him! Ok, that's off topic...moving along. I asked him to send it and completely and immediately was overcome with doubt and in my true fashion, started bawling. Still thinking he sent it on Tuesday, went home Friday and he tells me it never got sent. OK, I asked him 3 times and it didn't get sent. Hmm. So, of course again in true fashion I cried some more. God, was this your way of putting a stop to this? You see, throughout my ENTIRE adoption process my prayer has not been to make things clear, it has been to SLAM the door shut when it needed to be slammed shut. This felt like a slam shut for me. So, I prayed, cried and didn't sleep a lot. I have NEVER wrestled with anything so much in my life.
I'll get to the good stuff. Had a sit down with my parents 2 weeks before Thanksgiving, they expressed a lot of concerns and with tears streaming down my eyes I said "I can't do this." We talked some more and I went home knowing that I had made the best and right decision, however again in my true fashion I bawled for a few more weeks. I made the most difficult call I've ever had to make. I just simply had no peace about it, and knew that this was too big of a decision to be so so on. You see, it is not that my heart is not for adoption. I just didn't feel right and I can't explain or defend that decision besides that I know it's right.
My dear friend Andrea opened her home in Nicaragua on December 1 and Antonio would go live with her. I was so heartbroken and sad, feeling like I had failed this man who had captured my heart. When anyone asked how it was going, I smiled through tears and just said "fine" but I truly was not fine. I was just praying for God to heal our hearts, mine and Antonio's, but mostly that God the Father would provide him with a home, one of pure joy, happiness and providence.
Fast forward to today...December 21. I got a text from Andrea saying "Antonio has a family, will tell you more later." WOW!!! Again, true Angie fashion...I cried :-) Tears of joy for this little man who would not come to the States with me, but would have a family in Nicaragua who could love him and provide for him in much better ways than I could.
So, the bittersweetness (I don't think that's a real word) is heavy tonight. PLEASANT, so very pleasant for this little boy that I love that our Father has provided for him in ways that were unimaginable. Including or marked by elements of suffering or regret. Yep, that's all there too...I still struggle with tremendous guilt and feelings of regret for not being less fearful and more faithful. God has truly worked all things together for the good of those who love him, and my prayer is that I will continue to see that in Antonio's life and that he would just be so blessed.
So, what about adoption for me?? It's not off, it's just looking like it will take a different direction. I have some ideas in my head, but they're not final but I will keep you all posted!
Please continue to pray for me, it's a tough journey and one that is not over. Join me in praising God for his provision for Antonio...we truly serve a God who is bigger than we can imagine!
Thanks for reading ya'll...stay tuned!
Let me go back to a month ago. Paperwork STILL sitting in an envelope on dad's desk, me thinking it had been sent weeks ago, him telling me that there was no reason it wasn't sent. SO, I got a call from Nica asking where it was and I replied with "It should be on it's way." E-mail dad, he tells me it is still sitting there. I asked why, he says as any typical man says "I don't know." I love him! Ok, that's off topic...moving along. I asked him to send it and completely and immediately was overcome with doubt and in my true fashion, started bawling. Still thinking he sent it on Tuesday, went home Friday and he tells me it never got sent. OK, I asked him 3 times and it didn't get sent. Hmm. So, of course again in true fashion I cried some more. God, was this your way of putting a stop to this? You see, throughout my ENTIRE adoption process my prayer has not been to make things clear, it has been to SLAM the door shut when it needed to be slammed shut. This felt like a slam shut for me. So, I prayed, cried and didn't sleep a lot. I have NEVER wrestled with anything so much in my life.
I'll get to the good stuff. Had a sit down with my parents 2 weeks before Thanksgiving, they expressed a lot of concerns and with tears streaming down my eyes I said "I can't do this." We talked some more and I went home knowing that I had made the best and right decision, however again in my true fashion I bawled for a few more weeks. I made the most difficult call I've ever had to make. I just simply had no peace about it, and knew that this was too big of a decision to be so so on. You see, it is not that my heart is not for adoption. I just didn't feel right and I can't explain or defend that decision besides that I know it's right.
My dear friend Andrea opened her home in Nicaragua on December 1 and Antonio would go live with her. I was so heartbroken and sad, feeling like I had failed this man who had captured my heart. When anyone asked how it was going, I smiled through tears and just said "fine" but I truly was not fine. I was just praying for God to heal our hearts, mine and Antonio's, but mostly that God the Father would provide him with a home, one of pure joy, happiness and providence.
Fast forward to today...December 21. I got a text from Andrea saying "Antonio has a family, will tell you more later." WOW!!! Again, true Angie fashion...I cried :-) Tears of joy for this little man who would not come to the States with me, but would have a family in Nicaragua who could love him and provide for him in much better ways than I could.
So, the bittersweetness (I don't think that's a real word) is heavy tonight. PLEASANT, so very pleasant for this little boy that I love that our Father has provided for him in ways that were unimaginable. Including or marked by elements of suffering or regret. Yep, that's all there too...I still struggle with tremendous guilt and feelings of regret for not being less fearful and more faithful. God has truly worked all things together for the good of those who love him, and my prayer is that I will continue to see that in Antonio's life and that he would just be so blessed.
So, what about adoption for me?? It's not off, it's just looking like it will take a different direction. I have some ideas in my head, but they're not final but I will keep you all posted!
Please continue to pray for me, it's a tough journey and one that is not over. Join me in praising God for his provision for Antonio...we truly serve a God who is bigger than we can imagine!
Thanks for reading ya'll...stay tuned!
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Adoption
Well, it's been quite a while since I've posted on my blog...and my goal was to use it to keep people in the loop on my adoption stuff, and I have not done it. So for anyone who is curious, read on!
I'm fully aware that maybe no one will read this, but today I realize I have to do it for me.
My adoption journey started last October, when I made the first phone call to Angela, the adoption investigator. My home study was started and finished in a month. One big step down. WELL, as my luck would have it I got a phone call from a former co worker asking me if I was looking for a different job. Well, I was so I drove to Mason City, interviewed, and had a job offer all in one day. SO, my home study waited until I could move up north, get settled, and more importantly find a place to live. Oh, and again, a curve ball...had my gall bladder removed and had some yucky stuff after that for about a month...let's just say I'm glad I can never have it out again! I moved in to my apartment March 1, my home study was truly officially done and I sent it in to USCIS (United States Customs and Immigration). My first communication came back from them in April...denied. OK, so what to do next? I got more information, finger printed (FBI style) and sent it again. Bought a ticket to Nica for a quick weekend trip over Memorial Day with my mom, got home at midnight to find my approval in my mailbox. SO...a few more paperwork requirements took me until September to get and I sent it all away for one last seal of approval from the Secretary of the State of Iowa. Approved, September 23.
Then...I freaked out! Had a few days where all I did was doubt and cry. I was a mess, yet no one can understand my dilemma. People have a hard time understanding why and how I will even do this, and you know what so do I. I really prayed hard and wrestled with my choice, I still am. I have a pit in my stomach all the time thinking about it...but I still believe this is what God has called me to do. Is it ideal? No. Can I afford it financially? No. Am I completely confident in my ability to raise a 6 year old little boy who will have potential for lots of different issues? No. Do I feel like this is going to be an easy journey? No. I am super nervous and scared, but that doesn't make it wrong. I read an article a few weeks ago that just will not leave my head...doing God's will is not about making the right or wrong choice, it's about playing a part in God's perfect plan for redemption. How does this work? I don't know, but I believe I will find out through this process.
I also found myself feeling a bit like Mary this morning in church, although not near as cool as she is :-) She was scared, she was doubtful, she was questioning her ability to be a mother, and a mother to God's own son none the less. But, her song found in the 1st chapter of Luke is full of praise to the Lord, my goal is to be able to do the same through my doubt and fear. Luke 1:45 says "Blessed is she who believes that what they Lord has said will be." I want to be THAT SHE.
I am scared and uncertain about my future, but I know that God can and will continue to either open or close the doors that need to be opened or closed. Please, if you are reading this, please pray for me and Antonio as our lives are both about to change very drastically. Only God knows the future, and I hope to continue to be a blessing in it.
Last week, I was talking with a co worker who said "A good parent always questions their ability to raise their child." I am mom of the year lately if this is the case :-)
Thanks for reading, and as always, I love to hear from you guys, even though I lead a "boring, North American" life now!
I'm fully aware that maybe no one will read this, but today I realize I have to do it for me.
My adoption journey started last October, when I made the first phone call to Angela, the adoption investigator. My home study was started and finished in a month. One big step down. WELL, as my luck would have it I got a phone call from a former co worker asking me if I was looking for a different job. Well, I was so I drove to Mason City, interviewed, and had a job offer all in one day. SO, my home study waited until I could move up north, get settled, and more importantly find a place to live. Oh, and again, a curve ball...had my gall bladder removed and had some yucky stuff after that for about a month...let's just say I'm glad I can never have it out again! I moved in to my apartment March 1, my home study was truly officially done and I sent it in to USCIS (United States Customs and Immigration). My first communication came back from them in April...denied. OK, so what to do next? I got more information, finger printed (FBI style) and sent it again. Bought a ticket to Nica for a quick weekend trip over Memorial Day with my mom, got home at midnight to find my approval in my mailbox. SO...a few more paperwork requirements took me until September to get and I sent it all away for one last seal of approval from the Secretary of the State of Iowa. Approved, September 23.
Then...I freaked out! Had a few days where all I did was doubt and cry. I was a mess, yet no one can understand my dilemma. People have a hard time understanding why and how I will even do this, and you know what so do I. I really prayed hard and wrestled with my choice, I still am. I have a pit in my stomach all the time thinking about it...but I still believe this is what God has called me to do. Is it ideal? No. Can I afford it financially? No. Am I completely confident in my ability to raise a 6 year old little boy who will have potential for lots of different issues? No. Do I feel like this is going to be an easy journey? No. I am super nervous and scared, but that doesn't make it wrong. I read an article a few weeks ago that just will not leave my head...doing God's will is not about making the right or wrong choice, it's about playing a part in God's perfect plan for redemption. How does this work? I don't know, but I believe I will find out through this process.
I also found myself feeling a bit like Mary this morning in church, although not near as cool as she is :-) She was scared, she was doubtful, she was questioning her ability to be a mother, and a mother to God's own son none the less. But, her song found in the 1st chapter of Luke is full of praise to the Lord, my goal is to be able to do the same through my doubt and fear. Luke 1:45 says "Blessed is she who believes that what they Lord has said will be." I want to be THAT SHE.
I am scared and uncertain about my future, but I know that God can and will continue to either open or close the doors that need to be opened or closed. Please, if you are reading this, please pray for me and Antonio as our lives are both about to change very drastically. Only God knows the future, and I hope to continue to be a blessing in it.
Last week, I was talking with a co worker who said "A good parent always questions their ability to raise their child." I am mom of the year lately if this is the case :-)
Thanks for reading, and as always, I love to hear from you guys, even though I lead a "boring, North American" life now!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Dear Nicaragua...
Dear Nicaragua,
How do you begin the end of a 2 year affair? When I can look back and see the things that have happened in my life (good and bad) because of you, I am overcome with gratefulness, happiness, and pure amazement. When I think back to 2 years ago when I first came, I sometimes have to check if I am the same person. I never imagined what you would do to me!
The first and best lesson you taught me (and showed me) is how big God really is. Many times over the last 2 years, I've had to cling to my faith because it felt like it was literally all I had. BUT, this also made me realize that it was all I need. God is alive, big and active in Nicaragua (and everywhere else), and I am blessed to have seen that and experienced more than I imagined in a lifetime. My greatest fear about leaving you is that I will not have my eyes opened in the States as wide as they are here...I want to bottle this up and take a little swig of it every day so I don't forget.
The second lesson you're taught me is the things are worthless, but people are worth more than I imagined. NEVER would I have thought I would have been so blessed with so many great people and relationships on this journey. When you come here, no matter what your background, skin color, financial status, or anything thing else is stripped away. The only thing we all share is that we love Jesus and want to do what He wants...and that bonds us in a way that is beyond imagination. And....it's more than enough to simply love Him and want to live for Him, no matter where we are.
The third lesson I learned is that I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I have grown up a lot in ways that I needed to. Life lessons learned here are ones that can never be taken away from me. You can do anything, because when God calls you to do something, He equips with all the right things to do HIS work in HIS kingdom, no matter what the zip code is.
The fourth lesson I learned was how to truly love another person. Choosing to morph from selfish to servant is a daily, hourly, even every minute task...but one that I am starting to grasp. I still need lots of room for error, but God knows my heart and how I am truly trying. Forgiving quickly, loving too much, giving freely, and serving others is something that is never wrong, even if you don't always do it in the right way.
So, Nicaragua, I will be eternally grateful for what you have taught me. I hope and pray that I have had a little bit of an impact on you as well. I am leaving a BIG piece of my heart here, and to turn away from it now is one of the most difficult things I've had to do, but this chapter in my life is closing. I can tell you in confidence that I will see you again and until then, will think of you every day and love what we've had.
Until next time....
Angie
How do you begin the end of a 2 year affair? When I can look back and see the things that have happened in my life (good and bad) because of you, I am overcome with gratefulness, happiness, and pure amazement. When I think back to 2 years ago when I first came, I sometimes have to check if I am the same person. I never imagined what you would do to me!
The first and best lesson you taught me (and showed me) is how big God really is. Many times over the last 2 years, I've had to cling to my faith because it felt like it was literally all I had. BUT, this also made me realize that it was all I need. God is alive, big and active in Nicaragua (and everywhere else), and I am blessed to have seen that and experienced more than I imagined in a lifetime. My greatest fear about leaving you is that I will not have my eyes opened in the States as wide as they are here...I want to bottle this up and take a little swig of it every day so I don't forget.
The second lesson you're taught me is the things are worthless, but people are worth more than I imagined. NEVER would I have thought I would have been so blessed with so many great people and relationships on this journey. When you come here, no matter what your background, skin color, financial status, or anything thing else is stripped away. The only thing we all share is that we love Jesus and want to do what He wants...and that bonds us in a way that is beyond imagination. And....it's more than enough to simply love Him and want to live for Him, no matter where we are.
The third lesson I learned is that I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I have grown up a lot in ways that I needed to. Life lessons learned here are ones that can never be taken away from me. You can do anything, because when God calls you to do something, He equips with all the right things to do HIS work in HIS kingdom, no matter what the zip code is.
The fourth lesson I learned was how to truly love another person. Choosing to morph from selfish to servant is a daily, hourly, even every minute task...but one that I am starting to grasp. I still need lots of room for error, but God knows my heart and how I am truly trying. Forgiving quickly, loving too much, giving freely, and serving others is something that is never wrong, even if you don't always do it in the right way.
So, Nicaragua, I will be eternally grateful for what you have taught me. I hope and pray that I have had a little bit of an impact on you as well. I am leaving a BIG piece of my heart here, and to turn away from it now is one of the most difficult things I've had to do, but this chapter in my life is closing. I can tell you in confidence that I will see you again and until then, will think of you every day and love what we've had.
Until next time....
Angie
Sunday, May 13, 2012
My Mama Moments...
I've always heard the phrase "Everything I need to know, I learned in kindergarten." Well, as valuable as my year with Mrs. Vanette was,the log cabin, nap time on my Precious Moments pillow, and having my first boyfriend was...I can't say I learned all I need to know. BUT, I can tell you what has led me to learn the most about life, love, sadness, joy, pure bliss, pure stress, pure exhaustion, and every possible emotion under the sun.
I'll introduce you to a little 4 year old boy named Frankie ;-) The first time I met him, he walked up to me and put his chubby little arms at me and said "Mama." I picked him up and he had me right then and there. Over the last year and a half I have learned more from that little man than I ever would have imagined. You see, his nickname Cranky Frankie can be quite obvious at times...the kid didn't smile much when I first met him, so reserved and so serious. I can only imagine what happened to him before he was literally rescued and brought to Mas Que Vencedores (More Than Conquerors) in El Crucero. Praise the Lord that he got out when he did!
He's taught me so much, and I know I have so much further to go...but so far, here's what I've learned from the love of my life.
1. Frankie loves me NO MATTER WHAT! I lose my patience quite easily, especially after a night of profuse sweating and little sleep, but he doesn't care. He hugs me in the morning and loves me unconditionally. I return the feelings, little one!
2.Patience is a virtue, and one that is required when hanging out with this little man. The language barrier is an obvious problem with us, yet that smile and the biggest hugs he can give make up for that lack of words we speak with our lips.
3. God's providence is amazing in both my life and his. I believe Frankie is one of God's most precious creations to ever hit the globe. I mean, he's adorable (and stubborn, and a bit cranky, and not the best listener, and....)
4. To date I have not experienced anything in my life as blissful as waking up (all to early) to my eyelids being pulled open to hear "Angie, I love you...I love you." PURE BLISS!!!!!!!!!!!
5. God has a BIG PLAN for this little life, I am blessed to be able to have played a role in it so far, and I pray that I can be a part of it for many more years!
6. Bonding can happen in an instant...me and him are living proof of that!
7. Being a mom (even just for the weekend) is exhausting and the most difficult task I've taken on to date...yet it is worth every single moment of being with that little boy.
So, in honor of Mother's Day...I wanted to share a few of my Mama moments. It's been the most rewarding relationship I've had in my life. I did not know that my selfish self was capable to love someone as much as I love him. He can do no wrong in my eyes and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I will be FOREVER grateful for what I've learned from this little boy. I want him to always know how much I love him, how much hope I see in his big brown eyes, and how much I believe in God's plan for his life. I'm amazed by him a little bit more every time I see him....
I'll introduce you to a little 4 year old boy named Frankie ;-) The first time I met him, he walked up to me and put his chubby little arms at me and said "Mama." I picked him up and he had me right then and there. Over the last year and a half I have learned more from that little man than I ever would have imagined. You see, his nickname Cranky Frankie can be quite obvious at times...the kid didn't smile much when I first met him, so reserved and so serious. I can only imagine what happened to him before he was literally rescued and brought to Mas Que Vencedores (More Than Conquerors) in El Crucero. Praise the Lord that he got out when he did!
He's taught me so much, and I know I have so much further to go...but so far, here's what I've learned from the love of my life.
1. Frankie loves me NO MATTER WHAT! I lose my patience quite easily, especially after a night of profuse sweating and little sleep, but he doesn't care. He hugs me in the morning and loves me unconditionally. I return the feelings, little one!
2.Patience is a virtue, and one that is required when hanging out with this little man. The language barrier is an obvious problem with us, yet that smile and the biggest hugs he can give make up for that lack of words we speak with our lips.
3. God's providence is amazing in both my life and his. I believe Frankie is one of God's most precious creations to ever hit the globe. I mean, he's adorable (and stubborn, and a bit cranky, and not the best listener, and....)
4. To date I have not experienced anything in my life as blissful as waking up (all to early) to my eyelids being pulled open to hear "Angie, I love you...I love you." PURE BLISS!!!!!!!!!!!
5. God has a BIG PLAN for this little life, I am blessed to be able to have played a role in it so far, and I pray that I can be a part of it for many more years!
6. Bonding can happen in an instant...me and him are living proof of that!
7. Being a mom (even just for the weekend) is exhausting and the most difficult task I've taken on to date...yet it is worth every single moment of being with that little boy.
So, in honor of Mother's Day...I wanted to share a few of my Mama moments. It's been the most rewarding relationship I've had in my life. I did not know that my selfish self was capable to love someone as much as I love him. He can do no wrong in my eyes and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I will be FOREVER grateful for what I've learned from this little boy. I want him to always know how much I love him, how much hope I see in his big brown eyes, and how much I believe in God's plan for his life. I'm amazed by him a little bit more every time I see him....
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
How did you decide?
When I officially decided not to come back to Nicaragua, I had several people ask me "how did you decide?" I just want to share the experience with you, it was a new one for me!
When I originally came down to Nicaragua I had a 4 month commitment from August to December, 2010. My decision to come here was a difficult process but not a difficult answer. I LOVED this country and knew with every thing in me that God wanted me here....there was just no question. He opened door after door after door. I questioned my own strength to pull the trigger and do it, knowing that it would be the most difficult thing I had done in my then 28 years but it was just right. Leaving has not been the same...
I love Nicaragua, I always will. I have LOVED every (ok, almost every) child and family I've worked with and gotten to know over the last 2 years. I have learned so much about life, about loss, about knowing the feeling of being in God's perfect will, and about defying your own ideas of what you are strong enough to do. When I arrived back in Nicaragua after the summer last August, I was at my house unpacking my things and I just felt like I was not going to unpack here again....getting a sense that this would be the beginning of my last year. Well, after a few days I forgot about that a pushed that aside knowing that I had another year contract to fulfill and I wasn't thinking about leaving and that point. I went home a few months later to meet my new niece and talked with a lot of people about what my life was looking like at this point. I got unexpectedly emotional, my work was really tugging at my heart those 2 weeks at home....I was wondering if I would EVER leave Nicaragua, feeling very content where I was at. Fall turned to winter, I was home at Christmas and was anxious to get back to Nica after being in the States for 3 weeks, so at this point I'm thinking...ok, what is going on here?? I had never wanted to come back the way I did in January.
D-day was March 1, the day World Missions wants an answer. I was determined not to ask for more time, thinking I wouldn't need it. I knew that God was going to make it clear to me before then. The weekend before D-day was one of the lowest times for me that I have had since being in Nicaragua. Homesickness was my best friend, I would have sold my soul to the devil to get on a plane and gone home. So, in light of the horrible weekend, I thought "Easy, I'm sick of this...I'm going home." WAIT!! You can't make a decision when things are so good OR when they are so bad. So, I asked for the extension and used more time. Since January I have prayed, "God, if you want me to stay, give me a clear direction on what my job should be." For months, I asked this...where would you have me work in Nicaragua if I'm going to stay? Well, I got nothing...silence. For 3 months, I had no clue where I would be if I stayed. God spoke to me through silence for the first time in my life. I got no answer, and decided to move back to the States on June 5.
So, in a nutshell...that is how I arrived at my decision. Do I regret it? Some days....I love this country, my heart is for the children here, I've never met a baby I don't love but when they don't have a mother, it tears me apart every time. I am in my element when I can love of these kiddos here that so desperately need it. People ask me if I'll come back someday...and the answer is a quick yes! If for nothing else, to come for a week or 2 and show other people where I lived and worked for 2 years. My dream is to bring my own children here someday and see how this country would impact their hearts.
The next question I get asked a lot is this "What are you going to do when you get back to the States?" The answer to that is: I have NO IDEA!!!!!!! My life is a blank page starting June 6. I don't have a job, a car, a house, a plan or anything else. People look at me like I should be nervous...I'm not. How can I be? When I look at what I've survived in the last 2 years, there's not much that scares me at this point. I do know I'm going to hang out with Sam and Alex all summer, spend lots of time with Kaeleigh, Cole, and Caleb, go to Nashville with my sister to celebrate being 30, enjoy family vacation and reconnect with friends that I have seen far too little of over the last 2 years. God will provide, He always does.
When I originally came down to Nicaragua I had a 4 month commitment from August to December, 2010. My decision to come here was a difficult process but not a difficult answer. I LOVED this country and knew with every thing in me that God wanted me here....there was just no question. He opened door after door after door. I questioned my own strength to pull the trigger and do it, knowing that it would be the most difficult thing I had done in my then 28 years but it was just right. Leaving has not been the same...
I love Nicaragua, I always will. I have LOVED every (ok, almost every) child and family I've worked with and gotten to know over the last 2 years. I have learned so much about life, about loss, about knowing the feeling of being in God's perfect will, and about defying your own ideas of what you are strong enough to do. When I arrived back in Nicaragua after the summer last August, I was at my house unpacking my things and I just felt like I was not going to unpack here again....getting a sense that this would be the beginning of my last year. Well, after a few days I forgot about that a pushed that aside knowing that I had another year contract to fulfill and I wasn't thinking about leaving and that point. I went home a few months later to meet my new niece and talked with a lot of people about what my life was looking like at this point. I got unexpectedly emotional, my work was really tugging at my heart those 2 weeks at home....I was wondering if I would EVER leave Nicaragua, feeling very content where I was at. Fall turned to winter, I was home at Christmas and was anxious to get back to Nica after being in the States for 3 weeks, so at this point I'm thinking...ok, what is going on here?? I had never wanted to come back the way I did in January.
D-day was March 1, the day World Missions wants an answer. I was determined not to ask for more time, thinking I wouldn't need it. I knew that God was going to make it clear to me before then. The weekend before D-day was one of the lowest times for me that I have had since being in Nicaragua. Homesickness was my best friend, I would have sold my soul to the devil to get on a plane and gone home. So, in light of the horrible weekend, I thought "Easy, I'm sick of this...I'm going home." WAIT!! You can't make a decision when things are so good OR when they are so bad. So, I asked for the extension and used more time. Since January I have prayed, "God, if you want me to stay, give me a clear direction on what my job should be." For months, I asked this...where would you have me work in Nicaragua if I'm going to stay? Well, I got nothing...silence. For 3 months, I had no clue where I would be if I stayed. God spoke to me through silence for the first time in my life. I got no answer, and decided to move back to the States on June 5.
So, in a nutshell...that is how I arrived at my decision. Do I regret it? Some days....I love this country, my heart is for the children here, I've never met a baby I don't love but when they don't have a mother, it tears me apart every time. I am in my element when I can love of these kiddos here that so desperately need it. People ask me if I'll come back someday...and the answer is a quick yes! If for nothing else, to come for a week or 2 and show other people where I lived and worked for 2 years. My dream is to bring my own children here someday and see how this country would impact their hearts.
The next question I get asked a lot is this "What are you going to do when you get back to the States?" The answer to that is: I have NO IDEA!!!!!!! My life is a blank page starting June 6. I don't have a job, a car, a house, a plan or anything else. People look at me like I should be nervous...I'm not. How can I be? When I look at what I've survived in the last 2 years, there's not much that scares me at this point. I do know I'm going to hang out with Sam and Alex all summer, spend lots of time with Kaeleigh, Cole, and Caleb, go to Nashville with my sister to celebrate being 30, enjoy family vacation and reconnect with friends that I have seen far too little of over the last 2 years. God will provide, He always does.
Monday, April 23, 2012
God gave me an angel...
I get asked a lot...is it safe in Nicaragua? I can tell you that 95% of the time I feel safe. There are times where I get a little pinch in my gut and think maybe I'm about to do something not so smart, and other times, I KNOW it's not smart, so I mumble a prayer and do it anyways ;-) Today was one of those days....
Em and I were driving along down the Masaya highway, which is one of the busiest roads around Managua. We were headed to Laguna de Apoyo, a laguna in the crater of a volcano...a side note that this is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Ok, anyways, so we're driving down the road and I shifted to 5th, I was ready to rock and roll. Speed bump coming up, I know I need to shift down. So, I shift down and put my foot on the gas....no go. I shift down again, put my foot on the gas...no go. I look at Em and say "Um, I think my gas pedal just broke." As cars are FLYING by me, I don't even know what to do. I'm in the left lane, knowing that I need to get over to the right lane without getting hit, which seems like an impossibility at this point. We are literally going around 2 KM an hour...in speedy maniac driver traffic. I'm mumbling that prayer...God, PLEASE let us find a way off of this road and fast...ha ha! We weren't going anywhere fast. God sent a break in the traffic and we made it in to a bus lane. Not knowing what to do, I look around the rotunda and there's an Esso gas station. Again, thank you Lord. We slowly inched our way to the gas station, stop the car, and ask the guy working at the gas station for help. My gas pedal is literally hanging down on the floor of the car. So, the guy comes over, looks down, laughs a little bit and said "I think you're gas pedal is broken." OH, REALLY, thanks for that helpful tip. So we laughed and said we knew and asked if there was a mechanic any where near, thinking there wasn't going to be in the this small town. He said yes, 2 blocks down the road. So, I'm in a dress and heels mind you, and did I mention it's literally 100 degrees these days? So, off we go, down the road to this mechanic's house in our dresses with our purses over our shoulders. DUH!! So, we make it after lots of attention from the men in town. I go up to the door, yell a little bit, and the dogs start barking. I'm thinking it doesn't matter if my car won't go anywhere because I was certain I was going to get eaten by these creatures on the other side of the fence. So, finally a guy comes out and looks like he may have tipped by a few too many Tonas on this hot Sunday afternoon. We ask if he's the mechanic, and he says no it's the guy down the street. So, we walk a little farther in our heels with our purses in plain view...
We get to the guy's house(yes, his house) and ask him if he's a mechanic. He said yes, and I said THANK YOU LORD! So, Em tells him what the problem is (my limited Spanish vocabulary does not include any car words) and he tells us to go get the car and bring it back. At the rate we were going, it would have literally taken at least 20 minutes to go 2 blocks in the car. So...we're gearing up with sweat dripping from places I didn't even know you could sweat to walk BACK to the gas station, get in the car and somehow get it to his house with no ability to accelerate. OK, we'll do it. He looks at us both one more time (and I did put on my more pathetic face) and he said, "I'll just walk with you." So, we walked with him back to the gas station, he drove the car to his own house and he looked at it. He said the cable was broken and he didn't sound too confident that he could fix it on a Sunday...so I'm thinking; "Great, now we're off the main road and my car is going to sit at some random guy's house for only God knows how long..." Instead, he says he knows of one place that was open but he thought the cable was going to be too long...but he took off on his bike and went to look anyways. Em and I sat at his house for about 20 minutes when we looked up and saw him pedaling fast back down the road with a big smile on his face. He found the cable and would be able to fix it. So, we sat for about 45 minutes more and he and his sons put the cable back on. He closed the lid, gave me a big smile, and said we were good to go. He was SO PROUD of himself and I was SO THANKFUL that he could fix it as quickly and as easily as he did. He told me I owed him 250 Cordoba(about $10). I gave him a $20 and thanked him several times. I never want to forget the way he looked at me when I gave him that money. What kind of need did I meet for him and his family with that extra $20 that he would not have gotten today, on a Sunday when he normally doesn't work? We knew from seeing the house that they could definitely use it...I truly feel like this happened to help him and to remind me that God is in ALL THINGS and He cares about all things, even my broken gas pedal.
I saw God's hand in SO MANY ways in this not so fun situation. The fact that it went out where it did...we were so close to the gas station. The God sent break in traffic. The fact that once we got the to Esso, we could walk to the mechanic's house. The fact that we made it on our walk without any problems to the mechanic's house. BUT...the best part was that when we got to his house he said he had literally just gotten home from church. It made me trust him, it made me feel at ease, it made me smile. He welcomed us in to his home and was proud of the work he had done. When we left, it was like we were long lost friends that knew each other forever. He and his family waved at us like they were never going to stop, and he told us to stop back any time. God sent me an angel today, and I'll always remember that kind man who not only fixed my car...but helped me see Jesus in a small way on this blazing hot Sunday afternoon. Thank you Lord for your amazing provision and protection!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Frankie
So, as some of you may know I was supposed to decide by March 1 if I wanted to return to the States or if I want to stay another year in Nicaragua. As far as a list of pros and cons go, they are pretty balanced on both sides...but I want to introduce you to the thing that tips the scale. Frankie is 3 and just the light of my life...I didn't know I was capable of loving another human being as much as I love him! He's a bit cranky at times, but most of the time a typical 3 year old little man. He loves to read, snuggle, play outside, swim, and EAT!!! We've had a few slumber parties at my house this year, and I'm not sure who loves it more. He gets really spoiled and I gets LOADS of hugs and kisses. We were snuggling up one morning, and I wish I had a rewind button because I swear he said "Mama, I love you" as he was pinching my nose to get me to wake up. Needless to say, it worked as I had tears rolling down my face.
I could say so much more, but I just wanted to "introduce" you all to him. We LOVE visitors and would love to have you come visit us!
Friday, March 9, 2012
The Good and Beautiful God
I just finished a great book and want to share some of the encouraging things that I've just read. IF you're looking for a simple book revealing the wonderful truths about our God, I encourage you to pick this one up.
The main point of this book is to encourage you to fall in love with the God that Jesus knows...a revelation from the Son's perspective. The New Testament reveals God as Jesus experienced Him in His earthly life.
1. God is good
Jesus tells us in Matthew 19:17 that "There is only one who is good." God LOVES us and will give us good that is not dependant upon our behavior. Just as sunshine and rain are given equally to saints and sinners with no distinction, so God gives blessings to all without regard to behavior. The author also explained how Jesus beleives in this goodness even when our circumstances are too grim to believe. He (Jesus) believes for me. He beleives even when I cannot. He prays even when I cannot. I participate in HIS (Jesus') faith. God's goodness is vast and consuming, we must only accept it.
2. God is trustworthy
The God Jesus reveals would never do anything to harm us. He has no malice or evil intentions. He is completely good. And that fact that God is all-knowing and all-powerful makes his goodness even better. Jesus became human so he could know all of our trials and temptations as a human, and even in all those times he put all his trust in the Father, we must simply do the same. God is present. God is pure. God is powerful. God provides. Our Father pardons. God longs to protect us. When Jesus was in the garden, pleaing with his Father to "take the cup" we share in that prayer. A cup is anything in our lives that we are given that makes us want to question God's goodness. The thing to remember is that He is out for our good, no matter what situation he puts in our path.
3.God is generous
Jesus reveals a God who does not demand, but who gives. His resources are never exhausted and God is moved with compassion because he sees our needs. God wants you to know and love Him. God hates sin because it hurts his children, and he is CRAZY about us! He doesn't always give us what we WANT, but He does always give us what we NEED.
4. God is love
God looks are us with compassion, even when we have done the very worst to God we could possible do. God, it appears, is very fond of sinners. Not their sin. He loves us with grace, and the problem is that we don't like grace. It seems unfair, because God is gracious to all. It smacks against our performance-based-acceptance narrative. The point is that only one thing seperates us from God, and it is not our sin. It is our self-righteousness. Our self-righteouness does not turn God from us, but us from God.
5. God is holy
God is holy and just. The wrath of God is not a crazed rage but rather a consistent opposition to sin and evil. God's wrath is mindful, objective, rational response; it is an act of love. Wrath is not a permanent attribute of God. Love and holiness are part of his essential nature, wrath is contingent upon human sin. Wrath is God's holy act towards sin. Wrath is what humans experience when they reject God, it is a part of our free choice. I want a God that hates anything that hurts me. God cares deeply about sin because it destroys his precious children; God longs for holiness in us because it is the way to wholeness. God's first and last word is always grace.
6. God is self-scarificing
Maybe vulnerability is true strength. Maybe sacrificing yourself for the good of another is not a sign of weakness but is the greatest power the world ever knows. The glory of God himself lies in self-giving. The cross is God's way of doing all he could do for us, yet we still doubt His love for us. Our weakness prevents us from being able to forgive. Our fear keeps up from surrender and sacrifice. Jesus did not have to die, Jesus chose to die.
7. God transforms
God not only wants us to be reconciled, he wants to transform us. He not only took away the guilt of of sin, but also the power of sin. Those who are Christ-followers not only recieve the merit of his work on the cross but actually participate , by faiht, in the crucifixion. God is no longer dealing with you on the basis of sin. You are forgiven forever. You are also a completely new creation. You are one in whom Christ dwells. Your glory is not in what you do, but in who you are.
Transformation takes time, we are not changed over night. But the promises of God that Jesus revealed happen in us when we decide to want to get to know the Good and Beautiful God.
The main point of this book is to encourage you to fall in love with the God that Jesus knows...a revelation from the Son's perspective. The New Testament reveals God as Jesus experienced Him in His earthly life.
1. God is good
Jesus tells us in Matthew 19:17 that "There is only one who is good." God LOVES us and will give us good that is not dependant upon our behavior. Just as sunshine and rain are given equally to saints and sinners with no distinction, so God gives blessings to all without regard to behavior. The author also explained how Jesus beleives in this goodness even when our circumstances are too grim to believe. He (Jesus) believes for me. He beleives even when I cannot. He prays even when I cannot. I participate in HIS (Jesus') faith. God's goodness is vast and consuming, we must only accept it.
2. God is trustworthy
The God Jesus reveals would never do anything to harm us. He has no malice or evil intentions. He is completely good. And that fact that God is all-knowing and all-powerful makes his goodness even better. Jesus became human so he could know all of our trials and temptations as a human, and even in all those times he put all his trust in the Father, we must simply do the same. God is present. God is pure. God is powerful. God provides. Our Father pardons. God longs to protect us. When Jesus was in the garden, pleaing with his Father to "take the cup" we share in that prayer. A cup is anything in our lives that we are given that makes us want to question God's goodness. The thing to remember is that He is out for our good, no matter what situation he puts in our path.
3.God is generous
Jesus reveals a God who does not demand, but who gives. His resources are never exhausted and God is moved with compassion because he sees our needs. God wants you to know and love Him. God hates sin because it hurts his children, and he is CRAZY about us! He doesn't always give us what we WANT, but He does always give us what we NEED.
4. God is love
God looks are us with compassion, even when we have done the very worst to God we could possible do. God, it appears, is very fond of sinners. Not their sin. He loves us with grace, and the problem is that we don't like grace. It seems unfair, because God is gracious to all. It smacks against our performance-based-acceptance narrative. The point is that only one thing seperates us from God, and it is not our sin. It is our self-righteousness. Our self-righteouness does not turn God from us, but us from God.
5. God is holy
God is holy and just. The wrath of God is not a crazed rage but rather a consistent opposition to sin and evil. God's wrath is mindful, objective, rational response; it is an act of love. Wrath is not a permanent attribute of God. Love and holiness are part of his essential nature, wrath is contingent upon human sin. Wrath is God's holy act towards sin. Wrath is what humans experience when they reject God, it is a part of our free choice. I want a God that hates anything that hurts me. God cares deeply about sin because it destroys his precious children; God longs for holiness in us because it is the way to wholeness. God's first and last word is always grace.
6. God is self-scarificing
Maybe vulnerability is true strength. Maybe sacrificing yourself for the good of another is not a sign of weakness but is the greatest power the world ever knows. The glory of God himself lies in self-giving. The cross is God's way of doing all he could do for us, yet we still doubt His love for us. Our weakness prevents us from being able to forgive. Our fear keeps up from surrender and sacrifice. Jesus did not have to die, Jesus chose to die.
7. God transforms
God not only wants us to be reconciled, he wants to transform us. He not only took away the guilt of of sin, but also the power of sin. Those who are Christ-followers not only recieve the merit of his work on the cross but actually participate , by faiht, in the crucifixion. God is no longer dealing with you on the basis of sin. You are forgiven forever. You are also a completely new creation. You are one in whom Christ dwells. Your glory is not in what you do, but in who you are.
Transformation takes time, we are not changed over night. But the promises of God that Jesus revealed happen in us when we decide to want to get to know the Good and Beautiful God.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Miracles
How do you define a miracle? Some of us see it as a huge event in our lives, others of us take in every moment as a miracle. I'm not going to tell you what is or what is not a miracle, but I want to share my miracle from my trip to Honduras.
When Sandy asked us if we were willing to go to a local home and pray, I thought "Well, how hard can this be?" So, we loaded the bus and were on our way.
Veronica, the mother of the family has recently had surgery to remove both of her legs due to serious health complications. On February 11, a Hondruas doctor told her she had 5-6 hours to live. We went to the house on the 12th of February. I was not prepared for what I saw. We walked in to her tiny bedroom full of people and prayed for her, I couldn't handle it. I had to walk out of the room, found my mom and cried on her shoulder like a child. She looked and smelled of death...her soft pink lips coated in dried blood as I watched her struggle for every breath she tried to take. Her husband Sammy looked of sadness and defeat, her two boys Kevin and Daniel were no where to be found. I found myself questioning God's plan in all of this...how can this be good for anyone?
So, we finished praying with her and I walked out of the house NEVER wanting to go back. I was in complete shock and just wanted to be as far away from there as I could. I was standing outside when a translator came to me and said "You're a psychologist, they want you to talk to the boys." Really God?? 10 and 12, their mother will be dead by morning, and you want ME to talk to THEM? Reluctantly, I went back in the house, sat on the couch with the boys and a translator and asked them if they had any questions, told them that their hope in this trial can only be found in Christ and prayed with them. For the second time, I walked out of the house and never wanted to return. Little did I know, I would return every night that week just to show my face to the boys, ask them if they had questions, encourage them to spend as much time with their mother as they were comfortable with doing, and assisting the doctors in some medical care.
So, what's the miracle in all this? Veronica died this afternoon at 3:00, far surpassing her 5-6 hour life expectancy that February day. She accepted Christ in to her heart a few days before we were introduced to her...that is the miracle! Her family saw the love of Christ through our team praying with them, assisting them with medical care, sitting down with the boys and caring about them as well, encouraging Sammy, admiring him for sticking by her side through all of this (very uncommen, especially in this culture). Veronica~thank you for allowing us in to your home, showing us your fighting will, letting us love your boys and support your husband. I thank God for you and your testimony to me...it was not about what I gave to you, but what you have given me. I will remember you and your family for the rest of my life. Rest in peace sweet angel, enjoy the lavishing of the love of your Father over you. Please pray with me for Sammy, Kevin, Daniel and the rest of the family as they mourn the loss of their sweet mother and wife.
When Sandy asked us if we were willing to go to a local home and pray, I thought "Well, how hard can this be?" So, we loaded the bus and were on our way.
Veronica, the mother of the family has recently had surgery to remove both of her legs due to serious health complications. On February 11, a Hondruas doctor told her she had 5-6 hours to live. We went to the house on the 12th of February. I was not prepared for what I saw. We walked in to her tiny bedroom full of people and prayed for her, I couldn't handle it. I had to walk out of the room, found my mom and cried on her shoulder like a child. She looked and smelled of death...her soft pink lips coated in dried blood as I watched her struggle for every breath she tried to take. Her husband Sammy looked of sadness and defeat, her two boys Kevin and Daniel were no where to be found. I found myself questioning God's plan in all of this...how can this be good for anyone?
So, we finished praying with her and I walked out of the house NEVER wanting to go back. I was in complete shock and just wanted to be as far away from there as I could. I was standing outside when a translator came to me and said "You're a psychologist, they want you to talk to the boys." Really God?? 10 and 12, their mother will be dead by morning, and you want ME to talk to THEM? Reluctantly, I went back in the house, sat on the couch with the boys and a translator and asked them if they had any questions, told them that their hope in this trial can only be found in Christ and prayed with them. For the second time, I walked out of the house and never wanted to return. Little did I know, I would return every night that week just to show my face to the boys, ask them if they had questions, encourage them to spend as much time with their mother as they were comfortable with doing, and assisting the doctors in some medical care.
So, what's the miracle in all this? Veronica died this afternoon at 3:00, far surpassing her 5-6 hour life expectancy that February day. She accepted Christ in to her heart a few days before we were introduced to her...that is the miracle! Her family saw the love of Christ through our team praying with them, assisting them with medical care, sitting down with the boys and caring about them as well, encouraging Sammy, admiring him for sticking by her side through all of this (very uncommen, especially in this culture). Veronica~thank you for allowing us in to your home, showing us your fighting will, letting us love your boys and support your husband. I thank God for you and your testimony to me...it was not about what I gave to you, but what you have given me. I will remember you and your family for the rest of my life. Rest in peace sweet angel, enjoy the lavishing of the love of your Father over you. Please pray with me for Sammy, Kevin, Daniel and the rest of the family as they mourn the loss of their sweet mother and wife.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Feeling LOVED and BLESSED!
Hello friends and family~
Greetings from an ever increasingly hot Nicaragua! I hope this finds you all well.
Just a few quick notes and prayer requests.
First of all, I want to thank you all for the encouragement! I have been overwhelmed with e-mails, Facebook messages, and my parents or sister telling me that you've asked about me....it's so encrouaging to hear from people and I just want to thank you! I feel very blessed and loved, and it's a great place to be ;-) THANK YOU!!!
A brief version of my last month...
I LOVED EVERY MINUTE (ok, almost every minute) of my time with my parents and the rest of the team in Honduras! We saw well over 1000 people in 4 1/2 days and just had a GREAT team of people there! I met a lot of new friends, got aquainted with some old ones and was just VERY blessed by my time there. Honduras is a beautiful country full of people who are desperate for hope and love that they can only get through Christ and it was a humbling and amazing experience to be His hands and feet that week in a very real and evident way! Any of you thinking of doing a mission trip, I encourage you to just jump in with both feet, you can't experience something like that and not see changes. I think the biggest thing for me over the past 2 years in Nicaraugua and Honduras is seeing God in a whole new way and experiencing Him on a whole new level...there are just not words to descirbe it! I have a lump in my throat as I type, it's just an overwhelming sense of how real He is and it is a priceless experience! I know I'll be in Honduras next February and I'd love to see many of you there with me ;-)
Adoption....wow! I'm overwhelmed with the amount of information, time, work, money and everything else this process may demand from me. However, God has put this on my heart for a reason, and I believe He will see it to completion in some way or another. I don't have a whole lot more info on it...I've been trying to call a lawyer for a week now and can't get ahold of her...SO, I wait. I know I can start a home study in the States when I'm home next month...other than that, I still don't have many answers. I am full of fear over the whole process and what this will do to my life, but I was SO encouraged by so many of you....I appreciate the support and continued prayers for this process.
Decision time is March 1, however this morning I requested an extension and was granted it! I'm laughing because I just can not make up my mind. I'm leaning very heavily towards returning to the States for now, and seeing where God will bring me next....but I just can't make that decision final. SO, I covet your prayers for that as well. I was hoping to have made a decision by now, but it's just been more difficult than I expected it to be. My hope is in Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart, a man plans his course but the Lord determines his steps." My plan may not be the same as God's and I just want to be sure that it is, so I'm taking a little extra time to seek more answers in my heart. So, please pray with me ;-)
As always, my financial support is a concern for me. I should be at 80% right now, and I'm at about 70%. Please consider supporting my work financially. God is good and I know He will provide...HE ALWAYS DOES :-)
As always, continue to pray for safety in my work here.
Thanks for checking in on me and praying for me! You are all a HUGE part of my ministry here by supporting me, know that every e-mail, every FB message, and every time you check with my family on me....it is noticed and appreciated!
Love and Blessings~
Angie
Greetings from an ever increasingly hot Nicaragua! I hope this finds you all well.
Just a few quick notes and prayer requests.
First of all, I want to thank you all for the encouragement! I have been overwhelmed with e-mails, Facebook messages, and my parents or sister telling me that you've asked about me....it's so encrouaging to hear from people and I just want to thank you! I feel very blessed and loved, and it's a great place to be ;-) THANK YOU!!!
A brief version of my last month...
I LOVED EVERY MINUTE (ok, almost every minute) of my time with my parents and the rest of the team in Honduras! We saw well over 1000 people in 4 1/2 days and just had a GREAT team of people there! I met a lot of new friends, got aquainted with some old ones and was just VERY blessed by my time there. Honduras is a beautiful country full of people who are desperate for hope and love that they can only get through Christ and it was a humbling and amazing experience to be His hands and feet that week in a very real and evident way! Any of you thinking of doing a mission trip, I encourage you to just jump in with both feet, you can't experience something like that and not see changes. I think the biggest thing for me over the past 2 years in Nicaraugua and Honduras is seeing God in a whole new way and experiencing Him on a whole new level...there are just not words to descirbe it! I have a lump in my throat as I type, it's just an overwhelming sense of how real He is and it is a priceless experience! I know I'll be in Honduras next February and I'd love to see many of you there with me ;-)
Adoption....wow! I'm overwhelmed with the amount of information, time, work, money and everything else this process may demand from me. However, God has put this on my heart for a reason, and I believe He will see it to completion in some way or another. I don't have a whole lot more info on it...I've been trying to call a lawyer for a week now and can't get ahold of her...SO, I wait. I know I can start a home study in the States when I'm home next month...other than that, I still don't have many answers. I am full of fear over the whole process and what this will do to my life, but I was SO encouraged by so many of you....I appreciate the support and continued prayers for this process.
Decision time is March 1, however this morning I requested an extension and was granted it! I'm laughing because I just can not make up my mind. I'm leaning very heavily towards returning to the States for now, and seeing where God will bring me next....but I just can't make that decision final. SO, I covet your prayers for that as well. I was hoping to have made a decision by now, but it's just been more difficult than I expected it to be. My hope is in Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart, a man plans his course but the Lord determines his steps." My plan may not be the same as God's and I just want to be sure that it is, so I'm taking a little extra time to seek more answers in my heart. So, please pray with me ;-)
As always, my financial support is a concern for me. I should be at 80% right now, and I'm at about 70%. Please consider supporting my work financially. God is good and I know He will provide...HE ALWAYS DOES :-)
As always, continue to pray for safety in my work here.
Thanks for checking in on me and praying for me! You are all a HUGE part of my ministry here by supporting me, know that every e-mail, every FB message, and every time you check with my family on me....it is noticed and appreciated!
Love and Blessings~
Angie
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
2012...already?!?!?!
Hello friends~
I hope you are all doing well and enjoying (?!?!?!) the winter weather that has hit...I must say, Nicaragua is absolutely beautiful right now, a great time to come visit ;-)
I don't have a whole lot to "update" on as things are pretty much the same as they always are, but there are some things I do want to share with you and covet your prayers on.
~A student of mine from last year (her name is Lola) has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. My jaw dropped when I heard this...a 7 year old with ovarian cancer. Absolutely unbelievable, even as a I type, the lump in my throat returns as I struggle to even hear this news, but also to think of what she is going through. I don't have much more information on that, but I do ask that you be in prayer for her and her family, many uncertain times ahead with a grim prognosis.
~There have been some more break-ins/safety issues over the last month due to the inaguration of President Daniel Ortega. A few friends homes have been broken in to and it just makes for a generally uneasy feeling. Thank God for his protection and provision, and ask that this would be continued in my life and the lives of my friends.
~Adoption. I'm not sure how much I've shared with anyone...I know I haven't done of lot of it real publicly, so I guess now I am. My heart is for adoption, and in the last few months (especially) I feel like God is really pushing me to pursue this option. This is no way means I'm coming home with a kid, however, I feel very strongly that God is preparing me for something big. I have struggled with the idea of adopting as a single mother, however when you see the homes these children are in now, a single mother home is better than what they come from. I believe every child deserves a mother and a father, and I can't do much about the father but I do know that I have MANY amazing male role models in my life who would step up to teach my son/daughter about positive male influence. I have contacted an adoption "agency" here and am just in the intial stages of getting information. Please pray for me as I gather information, the right decisions to make, and that God would walk beside me in this very difficult process. I obviously don't know how this works in other countries, but I know it can be a nightmare here. I have had some encouraging conversations with a few people here, but please pray too that God would move their hears in the right direction. Most of all, I pray that God's will be done in this situation.
~March 1 is my official date to decide if I want to continue my work in Nicaragua or return to the States. This is a very difficult decision, just pray that I would recieve the clarity that I crave and again, that's God will be done in my life. There are many pros and cons to both returning to the States and staying here...
~My financial support is right at 65%. Thank God for faithful supporters and I trust in His provision that the rest will come in. If you would like to support my ministry go to www.crwm.org. THANK YOU for your faithful support...both in finances and prayers.
~I feel that I have been in a time of testing in my life, God is really bringing some difficult things in to my life and challenging me on the way I think about things. I praise God for his faithfullness and know that in all things, he will prevail and I just pray that he is glorified. You know, sometimes God is just sitting around being God and he leans over his throne and says "You know, I am just so proud of you." That's a challange for all of us, and one that I pray I succeed at ;-)
THANK YOU for reading, it got a bit long and I apologize! I love guests, e-mails, packages in the mail, SKYPE calls....you name it, I love it ;-)
Blessings~
Angie
I hope you are all doing well and enjoying (?!?!?!) the winter weather that has hit...I must say, Nicaragua is absolutely beautiful right now, a great time to come visit ;-)
I don't have a whole lot to "update" on as things are pretty much the same as they always are, but there are some things I do want to share with you and covet your prayers on.
~A student of mine from last year (her name is Lola) has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. My jaw dropped when I heard this...a 7 year old with ovarian cancer. Absolutely unbelievable, even as a I type, the lump in my throat returns as I struggle to even hear this news, but also to think of what she is going through. I don't have much more information on that, but I do ask that you be in prayer for her and her family, many uncertain times ahead with a grim prognosis.
~There have been some more break-ins/safety issues over the last month due to the inaguration of President Daniel Ortega. A few friends homes have been broken in to and it just makes for a generally uneasy feeling. Thank God for his protection and provision, and ask that this would be continued in my life and the lives of my friends.
~Adoption. I'm not sure how much I've shared with anyone...I know I haven't done of lot of it real publicly, so I guess now I am. My heart is for adoption, and in the last few months (especially) I feel like God is really pushing me to pursue this option. This is no way means I'm coming home with a kid, however, I feel very strongly that God is preparing me for something big. I have struggled with the idea of adopting as a single mother, however when you see the homes these children are in now, a single mother home is better than what they come from. I believe every child deserves a mother and a father, and I can't do much about the father but I do know that I have MANY amazing male role models in my life who would step up to teach my son/daughter about positive male influence. I have contacted an adoption "agency" here and am just in the intial stages of getting information. Please pray for me as I gather information, the right decisions to make, and that God would walk beside me in this very difficult process. I obviously don't know how this works in other countries, but I know it can be a nightmare here. I have had some encouraging conversations with a few people here, but please pray too that God would move their hears in the right direction. Most of all, I pray that God's will be done in this situation.
~March 1 is my official date to decide if I want to continue my work in Nicaragua or return to the States. This is a very difficult decision, just pray that I would recieve the clarity that I crave and again, that's God will be done in my life. There are many pros and cons to both returning to the States and staying here...
~My financial support is right at 65%. Thank God for faithful supporters and I trust in His provision that the rest will come in. If you would like to support my ministry go to www.crwm.org. THANK YOU for your faithful support...both in finances and prayers.
~I feel that I have been in a time of testing in my life, God is really bringing some difficult things in to my life and challenging me on the way I think about things. I praise God for his faithfullness and know that in all things, he will prevail and I just pray that he is glorified. You know, sometimes God is just sitting around being God and he leans over his throne and says "You know, I am just so proud of you." That's a challange for all of us, and one that I pray I succeed at ;-)
THANK YOU for reading, it got a bit long and I apologize! I love guests, e-mails, packages in the mail, SKYPE calls....you name it, I love it ;-)
Blessings~
Angie
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