Dear Nicaragua,
How do you begin the end of a 2 year affair? When I can look back and see the things that have happened in my life (good and bad) because of you, I am overcome with gratefulness, happiness, and pure amazement. When I think back to 2 years ago when I first came, I sometimes have to check if I am the same person. I never imagined what you would do to me!
The first and best lesson you taught me (and showed me) is how big God really is. Many times over the last 2 years, I've had to cling to my faith because it felt like it was literally all I had. BUT, this also made me realize that it was all I need. God is alive, big and active in Nicaragua (and everywhere else), and I am blessed to have seen that and experienced more than I imagined in a lifetime. My greatest fear about leaving you is that I will not have my eyes opened in the States as wide as they are here...I want to bottle this up and take a little swig of it every day so I don't forget.
The second lesson you're taught me is the things are worthless, but people are worth more than I imagined. NEVER would I have thought I would have been so blessed with so many great people and relationships on this journey. When you come here, no matter what your background, skin color, financial status, or anything thing else is stripped away. The only thing we all share is that we love Jesus and want to do what He wants...and that bonds us in a way that is beyond imagination. And....it's more than enough to simply love Him and want to live for Him, no matter where we are.
The third lesson I learned is that I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I have grown up a lot in ways that I needed to. Life lessons learned here are ones that can never be taken away from me. You can do anything, because when God calls you to do something, He equips with all the right things to do HIS work in HIS kingdom, no matter what the zip code is.
The fourth lesson I learned was how to truly love another person. Choosing to morph from selfish to servant is a daily, hourly, even every minute task...but one that I am starting to grasp. I still need lots of room for error, but God knows my heart and how I am truly trying. Forgiving quickly, loving too much, giving freely, and serving others is something that is never wrong, even if you don't always do it in the right way.
So, Nicaragua, I will be eternally grateful for what you have taught me. I hope and pray that I have had a little bit of an impact on you as well. I am leaving a BIG piece of my heart here, and to turn away from it now is one of the most difficult things I've had to do, but this chapter in my life is closing. I can tell you in confidence that I will see you again and until then, will think of you every day and love what we've had.
Until next time....
Angie
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
My Mama Moments...
I've always heard the phrase "Everything I need to know, I learned in kindergarten." Well, as valuable as my year with Mrs. Vanette was,the log cabin, nap time on my Precious Moments pillow, and having my first boyfriend was...I can't say I learned all I need to know. BUT, I can tell you what has led me to learn the most about life, love, sadness, joy, pure bliss, pure stress, pure exhaustion, and every possible emotion under the sun.
I'll introduce you to a little 4 year old boy named Frankie ;-) The first time I met him, he walked up to me and put his chubby little arms at me and said "Mama." I picked him up and he had me right then and there. Over the last year and a half I have learned more from that little man than I ever would have imagined. You see, his nickname Cranky Frankie can be quite obvious at times...the kid didn't smile much when I first met him, so reserved and so serious. I can only imagine what happened to him before he was literally rescued and brought to Mas Que Vencedores (More Than Conquerors) in El Crucero. Praise the Lord that he got out when he did!
He's taught me so much, and I know I have so much further to go...but so far, here's what I've learned from the love of my life.
1. Frankie loves me NO MATTER WHAT! I lose my patience quite easily, especially after a night of profuse sweating and little sleep, but he doesn't care. He hugs me in the morning and loves me unconditionally. I return the feelings, little one!
2.Patience is a virtue, and one that is required when hanging out with this little man. The language barrier is an obvious problem with us, yet that smile and the biggest hugs he can give make up for that lack of words we speak with our lips.
3. God's providence is amazing in both my life and his. I believe Frankie is one of God's most precious creations to ever hit the globe. I mean, he's adorable (and stubborn, and a bit cranky, and not the best listener, and....)
4. To date I have not experienced anything in my life as blissful as waking up (all to early) to my eyelids being pulled open to hear "Angie, I love you...I love you." PURE BLISS!!!!!!!!!!!
5. God has a BIG PLAN for this little life, I am blessed to be able to have played a role in it so far, and I pray that I can be a part of it for many more years!
6. Bonding can happen in an instant...me and him are living proof of that!
7. Being a mom (even just for the weekend) is exhausting and the most difficult task I've taken on to date...yet it is worth every single moment of being with that little boy.
So, in honor of Mother's Day...I wanted to share a few of my Mama moments. It's been the most rewarding relationship I've had in my life. I did not know that my selfish self was capable to love someone as much as I love him. He can do no wrong in my eyes and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I will be FOREVER grateful for what I've learned from this little boy. I want him to always know how much I love him, how much hope I see in his big brown eyes, and how much I believe in God's plan for his life. I'm amazed by him a little bit more every time I see him....
I'll introduce you to a little 4 year old boy named Frankie ;-) The first time I met him, he walked up to me and put his chubby little arms at me and said "Mama." I picked him up and he had me right then and there. Over the last year and a half I have learned more from that little man than I ever would have imagined. You see, his nickname Cranky Frankie can be quite obvious at times...the kid didn't smile much when I first met him, so reserved and so serious. I can only imagine what happened to him before he was literally rescued and brought to Mas Que Vencedores (More Than Conquerors) in El Crucero. Praise the Lord that he got out when he did!
He's taught me so much, and I know I have so much further to go...but so far, here's what I've learned from the love of my life.
1. Frankie loves me NO MATTER WHAT! I lose my patience quite easily, especially after a night of profuse sweating and little sleep, but he doesn't care. He hugs me in the morning and loves me unconditionally. I return the feelings, little one!
2.Patience is a virtue, and one that is required when hanging out with this little man. The language barrier is an obvious problem with us, yet that smile and the biggest hugs he can give make up for that lack of words we speak with our lips.
3. God's providence is amazing in both my life and his. I believe Frankie is one of God's most precious creations to ever hit the globe. I mean, he's adorable (and stubborn, and a bit cranky, and not the best listener, and....)
4. To date I have not experienced anything in my life as blissful as waking up (all to early) to my eyelids being pulled open to hear "Angie, I love you...I love you." PURE BLISS!!!!!!!!!!!
5. God has a BIG PLAN for this little life, I am blessed to be able to have played a role in it so far, and I pray that I can be a part of it for many more years!
6. Bonding can happen in an instant...me and him are living proof of that!
7. Being a mom (even just for the weekend) is exhausting and the most difficult task I've taken on to date...yet it is worth every single moment of being with that little boy.
So, in honor of Mother's Day...I wanted to share a few of my Mama moments. It's been the most rewarding relationship I've had in my life. I did not know that my selfish self was capable to love someone as much as I love him. He can do no wrong in my eyes and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I will be FOREVER grateful for what I've learned from this little boy. I want him to always know how much I love him, how much hope I see in his big brown eyes, and how much I believe in God's plan for his life. I'm amazed by him a little bit more every time I see him....
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
How did you decide?
When I officially decided not to come back to Nicaragua, I had several people ask me "how did you decide?" I just want to share the experience with you, it was a new one for me!
When I originally came down to Nicaragua I had a 4 month commitment from August to December, 2010. My decision to come here was a difficult process but not a difficult answer. I LOVED this country and knew with every thing in me that God wanted me here....there was just no question. He opened door after door after door. I questioned my own strength to pull the trigger and do it, knowing that it would be the most difficult thing I had done in my then 28 years but it was just right. Leaving has not been the same...
I love Nicaragua, I always will. I have LOVED every (ok, almost every) child and family I've worked with and gotten to know over the last 2 years. I have learned so much about life, about loss, about knowing the feeling of being in God's perfect will, and about defying your own ideas of what you are strong enough to do. When I arrived back in Nicaragua after the summer last August, I was at my house unpacking my things and I just felt like I was not going to unpack here again....getting a sense that this would be the beginning of my last year. Well, after a few days I forgot about that a pushed that aside knowing that I had another year contract to fulfill and I wasn't thinking about leaving and that point. I went home a few months later to meet my new niece and talked with a lot of people about what my life was looking like at this point. I got unexpectedly emotional, my work was really tugging at my heart those 2 weeks at home....I was wondering if I would EVER leave Nicaragua, feeling very content where I was at. Fall turned to winter, I was home at Christmas and was anxious to get back to Nica after being in the States for 3 weeks, so at this point I'm thinking...ok, what is going on here?? I had never wanted to come back the way I did in January.
D-day was March 1, the day World Missions wants an answer. I was determined not to ask for more time, thinking I wouldn't need it. I knew that God was going to make it clear to me before then. The weekend before D-day was one of the lowest times for me that I have had since being in Nicaragua. Homesickness was my best friend, I would have sold my soul to the devil to get on a plane and gone home. So, in light of the horrible weekend, I thought "Easy, I'm sick of this...I'm going home." WAIT!! You can't make a decision when things are so good OR when they are so bad. So, I asked for the extension and used more time. Since January I have prayed, "God, if you want me to stay, give me a clear direction on what my job should be." For months, I asked this...where would you have me work in Nicaragua if I'm going to stay? Well, I got nothing...silence. For 3 months, I had no clue where I would be if I stayed. God spoke to me through silence for the first time in my life. I got no answer, and decided to move back to the States on June 5.
So, in a nutshell...that is how I arrived at my decision. Do I regret it? Some days....I love this country, my heart is for the children here, I've never met a baby I don't love but when they don't have a mother, it tears me apart every time. I am in my element when I can love of these kiddos here that so desperately need it. People ask me if I'll come back someday...and the answer is a quick yes! If for nothing else, to come for a week or 2 and show other people where I lived and worked for 2 years. My dream is to bring my own children here someday and see how this country would impact their hearts.
The next question I get asked a lot is this "What are you going to do when you get back to the States?" The answer to that is: I have NO IDEA!!!!!!! My life is a blank page starting June 6. I don't have a job, a car, a house, a plan or anything else. People look at me like I should be nervous...I'm not. How can I be? When I look at what I've survived in the last 2 years, there's not much that scares me at this point. I do know I'm going to hang out with Sam and Alex all summer, spend lots of time with Kaeleigh, Cole, and Caleb, go to Nashville with my sister to celebrate being 30, enjoy family vacation and reconnect with friends that I have seen far too little of over the last 2 years. God will provide, He always does.
When I originally came down to Nicaragua I had a 4 month commitment from August to December, 2010. My decision to come here was a difficult process but not a difficult answer. I LOVED this country and knew with every thing in me that God wanted me here....there was just no question. He opened door after door after door. I questioned my own strength to pull the trigger and do it, knowing that it would be the most difficult thing I had done in my then 28 years but it was just right. Leaving has not been the same...
I love Nicaragua, I always will. I have LOVED every (ok, almost every) child and family I've worked with and gotten to know over the last 2 years. I have learned so much about life, about loss, about knowing the feeling of being in God's perfect will, and about defying your own ideas of what you are strong enough to do. When I arrived back in Nicaragua after the summer last August, I was at my house unpacking my things and I just felt like I was not going to unpack here again....getting a sense that this would be the beginning of my last year. Well, after a few days I forgot about that a pushed that aside knowing that I had another year contract to fulfill and I wasn't thinking about leaving and that point. I went home a few months later to meet my new niece and talked with a lot of people about what my life was looking like at this point. I got unexpectedly emotional, my work was really tugging at my heart those 2 weeks at home....I was wondering if I would EVER leave Nicaragua, feeling very content where I was at. Fall turned to winter, I was home at Christmas and was anxious to get back to Nica after being in the States for 3 weeks, so at this point I'm thinking...ok, what is going on here?? I had never wanted to come back the way I did in January.
D-day was March 1, the day World Missions wants an answer. I was determined not to ask for more time, thinking I wouldn't need it. I knew that God was going to make it clear to me before then. The weekend before D-day was one of the lowest times for me that I have had since being in Nicaragua. Homesickness was my best friend, I would have sold my soul to the devil to get on a plane and gone home. So, in light of the horrible weekend, I thought "Easy, I'm sick of this...I'm going home." WAIT!! You can't make a decision when things are so good OR when they are so bad. So, I asked for the extension and used more time. Since January I have prayed, "God, if you want me to stay, give me a clear direction on what my job should be." For months, I asked this...where would you have me work in Nicaragua if I'm going to stay? Well, I got nothing...silence. For 3 months, I had no clue where I would be if I stayed. God spoke to me through silence for the first time in my life. I got no answer, and decided to move back to the States on June 5.
So, in a nutshell...that is how I arrived at my decision. Do I regret it? Some days....I love this country, my heart is for the children here, I've never met a baby I don't love but when they don't have a mother, it tears me apart every time. I am in my element when I can love of these kiddos here that so desperately need it. People ask me if I'll come back someday...and the answer is a quick yes! If for nothing else, to come for a week or 2 and show other people where I lived and worked for 2 years. My dream is to bring my own children here someday and see how this country would impact their hearts.
The next question I get asked a lot is this "What are you going to do when you get back to the States?" The answer to that is: I have NO IDEA!!!!!!! My life is a blank page starting June 6. I don't have a job, a car, a house, a plan or anything else. People look at me like I should be nervous...I'm not. How can I be? When I look at what I've survived in the last 2 years, there's not much that scares me at this point. I do know I'm going to hang out with Sam and Alex all summer, spend lots of time with Kaeleigh, Cole, and Caleb, go to Nashville with my sister to celebrate being 30, enjoy family vacation and reconnect with friends that I have seen far too little of over the last 2 years. God will provide, He always does.
Monday, April 23, 2012
God gave me an angel...
I get asked a lot...is it safe in Nicaragua? I can tell you that 95% of the time I feel safe. There are times where I get a little pinch in my gut and think maybe I'm about to do something not so smart, and other times, I KNOW it's not smart, so I mumble a prayer and do it anyways ;-) Today was one of those days....
Em and I were driving along down the Masaya highway, which is one of the busiest roads around Managua. We were headed to Laguna de Apoyo, a laguna in the crater of a volcano...a side note that this is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Ok, anyways, so we're driving down the road and I shifted to 5th, I was ready to rock and roll. Speed bump coming up, I know I need to shift down. So, I shift down and put my foot on the gas....no go. I shift down again, put my foot on the gas...no go. I look at Em and say "Um, I think my gas pedal just broke." As cars are FLYING by me, I don't even know what to do. I'm in the left lane, knowing that I need to get over to the right lane without getting hit, which seems like an impossibility at this point. We are literally going around 2 KM an hour...in speedy maniac driver traffic. I'm mumbling that prayer...God, PLEASE let us find a way off of this road and fast...ha ha! We weren't going anywhere fast. God sent a break in the traffic and we made it in to a bus lane. Not knowing what to do, I look around the rotunda and there's an Esso gas station. Again, thank you Lord. We slowly inched our way to the gas station, stop the car, and ask the guy working at the gas station for help. My gas pedal is literally hanging down on the floor of the car. So, the guy comes over, looks down, laughs a little bit and said "I think you're gas pedal is broken." OH, REALLY, thanks for that helpful tip. So we laughed and said we knew and asked if there was a mechanic any where near, thinking there wasn't going to be in the this small town. He said yes, 2 blocks down the road. So, I'm in a dress and heels mind you, and did I mention it's literally 100 degrees these days? So, off we go, down the road to this mechanic's house in our dresses with our purses over our shoulders. DUH!! So, we make it after lots of attention from the men in town. I go up to the door, yell a little bit, and the dogs start barking. I'm thinking it doesn't matter if my car won't go anywhere because I was certain I was going to get eaten by these creatures on the other side of the fence. So, finally a guy comes out and looks like he may have tipped by a few too many Tonas on this hot Sunday afternoon. We ask if he's the mechanic, and he says no it's the guy down the street. So, we walk a little farther in our heels with our purses in plain view...
We get to the guy's house(yes, his house) and ask him if he's a mechanic. He said yes, and I said THANK YOU LORD! So, Em tells him what the problem is (my limited Spanish vocabulary does not include any car words) and he tells us to go get the car and bring it back. At the rate we were going, it would have literally taken at least 20 minutes to go 2 blocks in the car. So...we're gearing up with sweat dripping from places I didn't even know you could sweat to walk BACK to the gas station, get in the car and somehow get it to his house with no ability to accelerate. OK, we'll do it. He looks at us both one more time (and I did put on my more pathetic face) and he said, "I'll just walk with you." So, we walked with him back to the gas station, he drove the car to his own house and he looked at it. He said the cable was broken and he didn't sound too confident that he could fix it on a Sunday...so I'm thinking; "Great, now we're off the main road and my car is going to sit at some random guy's house for only God knows how long..." Instead, he says he knows of one place that was open but he thought the cable was going to be too long...but he took off on his bike and went to look anyways. Em and I sat at his house for about 20 minutes when we looked up and saw him pedaling fast back down the road with a big smile on his face. He found the cable and would be able to fix it. So, we sat for about 45 minutes more and he and his sons put the cable back on. He closed the lid, gave me a big smile, and said we were good to go. He was SO PROUD of himself and I was SO THANKFUL that he could fix it as quickly and as easily as he did. He told me I owed him 250 Cordoba(about $10). I gave him a $20 and thanked him several times. I never want to forget the way he looked at me when I gave him that money. What kind of need did I meet for him and his family with that extra $20 that he would not have gotten today, on a Sunday when he normally doesn't work? We knew from seeing the house that they could definitely use it...I truly feel like this happened to help him and to remind me that God is in ALL THINGS and He cares about all things, even my broken gas pedal.
I saw God's hand in SO MANY ways in this not so fun situation. The fact that it went out where it did...we were so close to the gas station. The God sent break in traffic. The fact that once we got the to Esso, we could walk to the mechanic's house. The fact that we made it on our walk without any problems to the mechanic's house. BUT...the best part was that when we got to his house he said he had literally just gotten home from church. It made me trust him, it made me feel at ease, it made me smile. He welcomed us in to his home and was proud of the work he had done. When we left, it was like we were long lost friends that knew each other forever. He and his family waved at us like they were never going to stop, and he told us to stop back any time. God sent me an angel today, and I'll always remember that kind man who not only fixed my car...but helped me see Jesus in a small way on this blazing hot Sunday afternoon. Thank you Lord for your amazing provision and protection!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Frankie
So, as some of you may know I was supposed to decide by March 1 if I wanted to return to the States or if I want to stay another year in Nicaragua. As far as a list of pros and cons go, they are pretty balanced on both sides...but I want to introduce you to the thing that tips the scale. Frankie is 3 and just the light of my life...I didn't know I was capable of loving another human being as much as I love him! He's a bit cranky at times, but most of the time a typical 3 year old little man. He loves to read, snuggle, play outside, swim, and EAT!!! We've had a few slumber parties at my house this year, and I'm not sure who loves it more. He gets really spoiled and I gets LOADS of hugs and kisses. We were snuggling up one morning, and I wish I had a rewind button because I swear he said "Mama, I love you" as he was pinching my nose to get me to wake up. Needless to say, it worked as I had tears rolling down my face.
I could say so much more, but I just wanted to "introduce" you all to him. We LOVE visitors and would love to have you come visit us!
Friday, March 9, 2012
The Good and Beautiful God
I just finished a great book and want to share some of the encouraging things that I've just read. IF you're looking for a simple book revealing the wonderful truths about our God, I encourage you to pick this one up.
The main point of this book is to encourage you to fall in love with the God that Jesus knows...a revelation from the Son's perspective. The New Testament reveals God as Jesus experienced Him in His earthly life.
1. God is good
Jesus tells us in Matthew 19:17 that "There is only one who is good." God LOVES us and will give us good that is not dependant upon our behavior. Just as sunshine and rain are given equally to saints and sinners with no distinction, so God gives blessings to all without regard to behavior. The author also explained how Jesus beleives in this goodness even when our circumstances are too grim to believe. He (Jesus) believes for me. He beleives even when I cannot. He prays even when I cannot. I participate in HIS (Jesus') faith. God's goodness is vast and consuming, we must only accept it.
2. God is trustworthy
The God Jesus reveals would never do anything to harm us. He has no malice or evil intentions. He is completely good. And that fact that God is all-knowing and all-powerful makes his goodness even better. Jesus became human so he could know all of our trials and temptations as a human, and even in all those times he put all his trust in the Father, we must simply do the same. God is present. God is pure. God is powerful. God provides. Our Father pardons. God longs to protect us. When Jesus was in the garden, pleaing with his Father to "take the cup" we share in that prayer. A cup is anything in our lives that we are given that makes us want to question God's goodness. The thing to remember is that He is out for our good, no matter what situation he puts in our path.
3.God is generous
Jesus reveals a God who does not demand, but who gives. His resources are never exhausted and God is moved with compassion because he sees our needs. God wants you to know and love Him. God hates sin because it hurts his children, and he is CRAZY about us! He doesn't always give us what we WANT, but He does always give us what we NEED.
4. God is love
God looks are us with compassion, even when we have done the very worst to God we could possible do. God, it appears, is very fond of sinners. Not their sin. He loves us with grace, and the problem is that we don't like grace. It seems unfair, because God is gracious to all. It smacks against our performance-based-acceptance narrative. The point is that only one thing seperates us from God, and it is not our sin. It is our self-righteousness. Our self-righteouness does not turn God from us, but us from God.
5. God is holy
God is holy and just. The wrath of God is not a crazed rage but rather a consistent opposition to sin and evil. God's wrath is mindful, objective, rational response; it is an act of love. Wrath is not a permanent attribute of God. Love and holiness are part of his essential nature, wrath is contingent upon human sin. Wrath is God's holy act towards sin. Wrath is what humans experience when they reject God, it is a part of our free choice. I want a God that hates anything that hurts me. God cares deeply about sin because it destroys his precious children; God longs for holiness in us because it is the way to wholeness. God's first and last word is always grace.
6. God is self-scarificing
Maybe vulnerability is true strength. Maybe sacrificing yourself for the good of another is not a sign of weakness but is the greatest power the world ever knows. The glory of God himself lies in self-giving. The cross is God's way of doing all he could do for us, yet we still doubt His love for us. Our weakness prevents us from being able to forgive. Our fear keeps up from surrender and sacrifice. Jesus did not have to die, Jesus chose to die.
7. God transforms
God not only wants us to be reconciled, he wants to transform us. He not only took away the guilt of of sin, but also the power of sin. Those who are Christ-followers not only recieve the merit of his work on the cross but actually participate , by faiht, in the crucifixion. God is no longer dealing with you on the basis of sin. You are forgiven forever. You are also a completely new creation. You are one in whom Christ dwells. Your glory is not in what you do, but in who you are.
Transformation takes time, we are not changed over night. But the promises of God that Jesus revealed happen in us when we decide to want to get to know the Good and Beautiful God.
The main point of this book is to encourage you to fall in love with the God that Jesus knows...a revelation from the Son's perspective. The New Testament reveals God as Jesus experienced Him in His earthly life.
1. God is good
Jesus tells us in Matthew 19:17 that "There is only one who is good." God LOVES us and will give us good that is not dependant upon our behavior. Just as sunshine and rain are given equally to saints and sinners with no distinction, so God gives blessings to all without regard to behavior. The author also explained how Jesus beleives in this goodness even when our circumstances are too grim to believe. He (Jesus) believes for me. He beleives even when I cannot. He prays even when I cannot. I participate in HIS (Jesus') faith. God's goodness is vast and consuming, we must only accept it.
2. God is trustworthy
The God Jesus reveals would never do anything to harm us. He has no malice or evil intentions. He is completely good. And that fact that God is all-knowing and all-powerful makes his goodness even better. Jesus became human so he could know all of our trials and temptations as a human, and even in all those times he put all his trust in the Father, we must simply do the same. God is present. God is pure. God is powerful. God provides. Our Father pardons. God longs to protect us. When Jesus was in the garden, pleaing with his Father to "take the cup" we share in that prayer. A cup is anything in our lives that we are given that makes us want to question God's goodness. The thing to remember is that He is out for our good, no matter what situation he puts in our path.
3.God is generous
Jesus reveals a God who does not demand, but who gives. His resources are never exhausted and God is moved with compassion because he sees our needs. God wants you to know and love Him. God hates sin because it hurts his children, and he is CRAZY about us! He doesn't always give us what we WANT, but He does always give us what we NEED.
4. God is love
God looks are us with compassion, even when we have done the very worst to God we could possible do. God, it appears, is very fond of sinners. Not their sin. He loves us with grace, and the problem is that we don't like grace. It seems unfair, because God is gracious to all. It smacks against our performance-based-acceptance narrative. The point is that only one thing seperates us from God, and it is not our sin. It is our self-righteousness. Our self-righteouness does not turn God from us, but us from God.
5. God is holy
God is holy and just. The wrath of God is not a crazed rage but rather a consistent opposition to sin and evil. God's wrath is mindful, objective, rational response; it is an act of love. Wrath is not a permanent attribute of God. Love and holiness are part of his essential nature, wrath is contingent upon human sin. Wrath is God's holy act towards sin. Wrath is what humans experience when they reject God, it is a part of our free choice. I want a God that hates anything that hurts me. God cares deeply about sin because it destroys his precious children; God longs for holiness in us because it is the way to wholeness. God's first and last word is always grace.
6. God is self-scarificing
Maybe vulnerability is true strength. Maybe sacrificing yourself for the good of another is not a sign of weakness but is the greatest power the world ever knows. The glory of God himself lies in self-giving. The cross is God's way of doing all he could do for us, yet we still doubt His love for us. Our weakness prevents us from being able to forgive. Our fear keeps up from surrender and sacrifice. Jesus did not have to die, Jesus chose to die.
7. God transforms
God not only wants us to be reconciled, he wants to transform us. He not only took away the guilt of of sin, but also the power of sin. Those who are Christ-followers not only recieve the merit of his work on the cross but actually participate , by faiht, in the crucifixion. God is no longer dealing with you on the basis of sin. You are forgiven forever. You are also a completely new creation. You are one in whom Christ dwells. Your glory is not in what you do, but in who you are.
Transformation takes time, we are not changed over night. But the promises of God that Jesus revealed happen in us when we decide to want to get to know the Good and Beautiful God.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Miracles
How do you define a miracle? Some of us see it as a huge event in our lives, others of us take in every moment as a miracle. I'm not going to tell you what is or what is not a miracle, but I want to share my miracle from my trip to Honduras.
When Sandy asked us if we were willing to go to a local home and pray, I thought "Well, how hard can this be?" So, we loaded the bus and were on our way.
Veronica, the mother of the family has recently had surgery to remove both of her legs due to serious health complications. On February 11, a Hondruas doctor told her she had 5-6 hours to live. We went to the house on the 12th of February. I was not prepared for what I saw. We walked in to her tiny bedroom full of people and prayed for her, I couldn't handle it. I had to walk out of the room, found my mom and cried on her shoulder like a child. She looked and smelled of death...her soft pink lips coated in dried blood as I watched her struggle for every breath she tried to take. Her husband Sammy looked of sadness and defeat, her two boys Kevin and Daniel were no where to be found. I found myself questioning God's plan in all of this...how can this be good for anyone?
So, we finished praying with her and I walked out of the house NEVER wanting to go back. I was in complete shock and just wanted to be as far away from there as I could. I was standing outside when a translator came to me and said "You're a psychologist, they want you to talk to the boys." Really God?? 10 and 12, their mother will be dead by morning, and you want ME to talk to THEM? Reluctantly, I went back in the house, sat on the couch with the boys and a translator and asked them if they had any questions, told them that their hope in this trial can only be found in Christ and prayed with them. For the second time, I walked out of the house and never wanted to return. Little did I know, I would return every night that week just to show my face to the boys, ask them if they had questions, encourage them to spend as much time with their mother as they were comfortable with doing, and assisting the doctors in some medical care.
So, what's the miracle in all this? Veronica died this afternoon at 3:00, far surpassing her 5-6 hour life expectancy that February day. She accepted Christ in to her heart a few days before we were introduced to her...that is the miracle! Her family saw the love of Christ through our team praying with them, assisting them with medical care, sitting down with the boys and caring about them as well, encouraging Sammy, admiring him for sticking by her side through all of this (very uncommen, especially in this culture). Veronica~thank you for allowing us in to your home, showing us your fighting will, letting us love your boys and support your husband. I thank God for you and your testimony to me...it was not about what I gave to you, but what you have given me. I will remember you and your family for the rest of my life. Rest in peace sweet angel, enjoy the lavishing of the love of your Father over you. Please pray with me for Sammy, Kevin, Daniel and the rest of the family as they mourn the loss of their sweet mother and wife.
When Sandy asked us if we were willing to go to a local home and pray, I thought "Well, how hard can this be?" So, we loaded the bus and were on our way.
Veronica, the mother of the family has recently had surgery to remove both of her legs due to serious health complications. On February 11, a Hondruas doctor told her she had 5-6 hours to live. We went to the house on the 12th of February. I was not prepared for what I saw. We walked in to her tiny bedroom full of people and prayed for her, I couldn't handle it. I had to walk out of the room, found my mom and cried on her shoulder like a child. She looked and smelled of death...her soft pink lips coated in dried blood as I watched her struggle for every breath she tried to take. Her husband Sammy looked of sadness and defeat, her two boys Kevin and Daniel were no where to be found. I found myself questioning God's plan in all of this...how can this be good for anyone?
So, we finished praying with her and I walked out of the house NEVER wanting to go back. I was in complete shock and just wanted to be as far away from there as I could. I was standing outside when a translator came to me and said "You're a psychologist, they want you to talk to the boys." Really God?? 10 and 12, their mother will be dead by morning, and you want ME to talk to THEM? Reluctantly, I went back in the house, sat on the couch with the boys and a translator and asked them if they had any questions, told them that their hope in this trial can only be found in Christ and prayed with them. For the second time, I walked out of the house and never wanted to return. Little did I know, I would return every night that week just to show my face to the boys, ask them if they had questions, encourage them to spend as much time with their mother as they were comfortable with doing, and assisting the doctors in some medical care.
So, what's the miracle in all this? Veronica died this afternoon at 3:00, far surpassing her 5-6 hour life expectancy that February day. She accepted Christ in to her heart a few days before we were introduced to her...that is the miracle! Her family saw the love of Christ through our team praying with them, assisting them with medical care, sitting down with the boys and caring about them as well, encouraging Sammy, admiring him for sticking by her side through all of this (very uncommen, especially in this culture). Veronica~thank you for allowing us in to your home, showing us your fighting will, letting us love your boys and support your husband. I thank God for you and your testimony to me...it was not about what I gave to you, but what you have given me. I will remember you and your family for the rest of my life. Rest in peace sweet angel, enjoy the lavishing of the love of your Father over you. Please pray with me for Sammy, Kevin, Daniel and the rest of the family as they mourn the loss of their sweet mother and wife.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Feeling LOVED and BLESSED!
Hello friends and family~
Greetings from an ever increasingly hot Nicaragua! I hope this finds you all well.
Just a few quick notes and prayer requests.
First of all, I want to thank you all for the encouragement! I have been overwhelmed with e-mails, Facebook messages, and my parents or sister telling me that you've asked about me....it's so encrouaging to hear from people and I just want to thank you! I feel very blessed and loved, and it's a great place to be ;-) THANK YOU!!!
A brief version of my last month...
I LOVED EVERY MINUTE (ok, almost every minute) of my time with my parents and the rest of the team in Honduras! We saw well over 1000 people in 4 1/2 days and just had a GREAT team of people there! I met a lot of new friends, got aquainted with some old ones and was just VERY blessed by my time there. Honduras is a beautiful country full of people who are desperate for hope and love that they can only get through Christ and it was a humbling and amazing experience to be His hands and feet that week in a very real and evident way! Any of you thinking of doing a mission trip, I encourage you to just jump in with both feet, you can't experience something like that and not see changes. I think the biggest thing for me over the past 2 years in Nicaraugua and Honduras is seeing God in a whole new way and experiencing Him on a whole new level...there are just not words to descirbe it! I have a lump in my throat as I type, it's just an overwhelming sense of how real He is and it is a priceless experience! I know I'll be in Honduras next February and I'd love to see many of you there with me ;-)
Adoption....wow! I'm overwhelmed with the amount of information, time, work, money and everything else this process may demand from me. However, God has put this on my heart for a reason, and I believe He will see it to completion in some way or another. I don't have a whole lot more info on it...I've been trying to call a lawyer for a week now and can't get ahold of her...SO, I wait. I know I can start a home study in the States when I'm home next month...other than that, I still don't have many answers. I am full of fear over the whole process and what this will do to my life, but I was SO encouraged by so many of you....I appreciate the support and continued prayers for this process.
Decision time is March 1, however this morning I requested an extension and was granted it! I'm laughing because I just can not make up my mind. I'm leaning very heavily towards returning to the States for now, and seeing where God will bring me next....but I just can't make that decision final. SO, I covet your prayers for that as well. I was hoping to have made a decision by now, but it's just been more difficult than I expected it to be. My hope is in Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart, a man plans his course but the Lord determines his steps." My plan may not be the same as God's and I just want to be sure that it is, so I'm taking a little extra time to seek more answers in my heart. So, please pray with me ;-)
As always, my financial support is a concern for me. I should be at 80% right now, and I'm at about 70%. Please consider supporting my work financially. God is good and I know He will provide...HE ALWAYS DOES :-)
As always, continue to pray for safety in my work here.
Thanks for checking in on me and praying for me! You are all a HUGE part of my ministry here by supporting me, know that every e-mail, every FB message, and every time you check with my family on me....it is noticed and appreciated!
Love and Blessings~
Angie
Greetings from an ever increasingly hot Nicaragua! I hope this finds you all well.
Just a few quick notes and prayer requests.
First of all, I want to thank you all for the encouragement! I have been overwhelmed with e-mails, Facebook messages, and my parents or sister telling me that you've asked about me....it's so encrouaging to hear from people and I just want to thank you! I feel very blessed and loved, and it's a great place to be ;-) THANK YOU!!!
A brief version of my last month...
I LOVED EVERY MINUTE (ok, almost every minute) of my time with my parents and the rest of the team in Honduras! We saw well over 1000 people in 4 1/2 days and just had a GREAT team of people there! I met a lot of new friends, got aquainted with some old ones and was just VERY blessed by my time there. Honduras is a beautiful country full of people who are desperate for hope and love that they can only get through Christ and it was a humbling and amazing experience to be His hands and feet that week in a very real and evident way! Any of you thinking of doing a mission trip, I encourage you to just jump in with both feet, you can't experience something like that and not see changes. I think the biggest thing for me over the past 2 years in Nicaraugua and Honduras is seeing God in a whole new way and experiencing Him on a whole new level...there are just not words to descirbe it! I have a lump in my throat as I type, it's just an overwhelming sense of how real He is and it is a priceless experience! I know I'll be in Honduras next February and I'd love to see many of you there with me ;-)
Adoption....wow! I'm overwhelmed with the amount of information, time, work, money and everything else this process may demand from me. However, God has put this on my heart for a reason, and I believe He will see it to completion in some way or another. I don't have a whole lot more info on it...I've been trying to call a lawyer for a week now and can't get ahold of her...SO, I wait. I know I can start a home study in the States when I'm home next month...other than that, I still don't have many answers. I am full of fear over the whole process and what this will do to my life, but I was SO encouraged by so many of you....I appreciate the support and continued prayers for this process.
Decision time is March 1, however this morning I requested an extension and was granted it! I'm laughing because I just can not make up my mind. I'm leaning very heavily towards returning to the States for now, and seeing where God will bring me next....but I just can't make that decision final. SO, I covet your prayers for that as well. I was hoping to have made a decision by now, but it's just been more difficult than I expected it to be. My hope is in Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart, a man plans his course but the Lord determines his steps." My plan may not be the same as God's and I just want to be sure that it is, so I'm taking a little extra time to seek more answers in my heart. So, please pray with me ;-)
As always, my financial support is a concern for me. I should be at 80% right now, and I'm at about 70%. Please consider supporting my work financially. God is good and I know He will provide...HE ALWAYS DOES :-)
As always, continue to pray for safety in my work here.
Thanks for checking in on me and praying for me! You are all a HUGE part of my ministry here by supporting me, know that every e-mail, every FB message, and every time you check with my family on me....it is noticed and appreciated!
Love and Blessings~
Angie
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
2012...already?!?!?!
Hello friends~
I hope you are all doing well and enjoying (?!?!?!) the winter weather that has hit...I must say, Nicaragua is absolutely beautiful right now, a great time to come visit ;-)
I don't have a whole lot to "update" on as things are pretty much the same as they always are, but there are some things I do want to share with you and covet your prayers on.
~A student of mine from last year (her name is Lola) has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. My jaw dropped when I heard this...a 7 year old with ovarian cancer. Absolutely unbelievable, even as a I type, the lump in my throat returns as I struggle to even hear this news, but also to think of what she is going through. I don't have much more information on that, but I do ask that you be in prayer for her and her family, many uncertain times ahead with a grim prognosis.
~There have been some more break-ins/safety issues over the last month due to the inaguration of President Daniel Ortega. A few friends homes have been broken in to and it just makes for a generally uneasy feeling. Thank God for his protection and provision, and ask that this would be continued in my life and the lives of my friends.
~Adoption. I'm not sure how much I've shared with anyone...I know I haven't done of lot of it real publicly, so I guess now I am. My heart is for adoption, and in the last few months (especially) I feel like God is really pushing me to pursue this option. This is no way means I'm coming home with a kid, however, I feel very strongly that God is preparing me for something big. I have struggled with the idea of adopting as a single mother, however when you see the homes these children are in now, a single mother home is better than what they come from. I believe every child deserves a mother and a father, and I can't do much about the father but I do know that I have MANY amazing male role models in my life who would step up to teach my son/daughter about positive male influence. I have contacted an adoption "agency" here and am just in the intial stages of getting information. Please pray for me as I gather information, the right decisions to make, and that God would walk beside me in this very difficult process. I obviously don't know how this works in other countries, but I know it can be a nightmare here. I have had some encouraging conversations with a few people here, but please pray too that God would move their hears in the right direction. Most of all, I pray that God's will be done in this situation.
~March 1 is my official date to decide if I want to continue my work in Nicaragua or return to the States. This is a very difficult decision, just pray that I would recieve the clarity that I crave and again, that's God will be done in my life. There are many pros and cons to both returning to the States and staying here...
~My financial support is right at 65%. Thank God for faithful supporters and I trust in His provision that the rest will come in. If you would like to support my ministry go to www.crwm.org. THANK YOU for your faithful support...both in finances and prayers.
~I feel that I have been in a time of testing in my life, God is really bringing some difficult things in to my life and challenging me on the way I think about things. I praise God for his faithfullness and know that in all things, he will prevail and I just pray that he is glorified. You know, sometimes God is just sitting around being God and he leans over his throne and says "You know, I am just so proud of you." That's a challange for all of us, and one that I pray I succeed at ;-)
THANK YOU for reading, it got a bit long and I apologize! I love guests, e-mails, packages in the mail, SKYPE calls....you name it, I love it ;-)
Blessings~
Angie
I hope you are all doing well and enjoying (?!?!?!) the winter weather that has hit...I must say, Nicaragua is absolutely beautiful right now, a great time to come visit ;-)
I don't have a whole lot to "update" on as things are pretty much the same as they always are, but there are some things I do want to share with you and covet your prayers on.
~A student of mine from last year (her name is Lola) has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. My jaw dropped when I heard this...a 7 year old with ovarian cancer. Absolutely unbelievable, even as a I type, the lump in my throat returns as I struggle to even hear this news, but also to think of what she is going through. I don't have much more information on that, but I do ask that you be in prayer for her and her family, many uncertain times ahead with a grim prognosis.
~There have been some more break-ins/safety issues over the last month due to the inaguration of President Daniel Ortega. A few friends homes have been broken in to and it just makes for a generally uneasy feeling. Thank God for his protection and provision, and ask that this would be continued in my life and the lives of my friends.
~Adoption. I'm not sure how much I've shared with anyone...I know I haven't done of lot of it real publicly, so I guess now I am. My heart is for adoption, and in the last few months (especially) I feel like God is really pushing me to pursue this option. This is no way means I'm coming home with a kid, however, I feel very strongly that God is preparing me for something big. I have struggled with the idea of adopting as a single mother, however when you see the homes these children are in now, a single mother home is better than what they come from. I believe every child deserves a mother and a father, and I can't do much about the father but I do know that I have MANY amazing male role models in my life who would step up to teach my son/daughter about positive male influence. I have contacted an adoption "agency" here and am just in the intial stages of getting information. Please pray for me as I gather information, the right decisions to make, and that God would walk beside me in this very difficult process. I obviously don't know how this works in other countries, but I know it can be a nightmare here. I have had some encouraging conversations with a few people here, but please pray too that God would move their hears in the right direction. Most of all, I pray that God's will be done in this situation.
~March 1 is my official date to decide if I want to continue my work in Nicaragua or return to the States. This is a very difficult decision, just pray that I would recieve the clarity that I crave and again, that's God will be done in my life. There are many pros and cons to both returning to the States and staying here...
~My financial support is right at 65%. Thank God for faithful supporters and I trust in His provision that the rest will come in. If you would like to support my ministry go to www.crwm.org. THANK YOU for your faithful support...both in finances and prayers.
~I feel that I have been in a time of testing in my life, God is really bringing some difficult things in to my life and challenging me on the way I think about things. I praise God for his faithfullness and know that in all things, he will prevail and I just pray that he is glorified. You know, sometimes God is just sitting around being God and he leans over his throne and says "You know, I am just so proud of you." That's a challange for all of us, and one that I pray I succeed at ;-)
THANK YOU for reading, it got a bit long and I apologize! I love guests, e-mails, packages in the mail, SKYPE calls....you name it, I love it ;-)
Blessings~
Angie
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