Struggling...

Good morning dear friends~

Yep, I'm writing again...don't get too excited, nothing much going on, just taking advantage of my free therapy by putting my thoughts in to words!

As you can see by the title of this post...I'm struggling. If the time shows up on these, that could be a great second clue. You all know how I HATE getting up early, and how much I love my sleep. It's 6:03 AM on a Saturday morning, YUCK!!
I am struggling...A LOT this last week. I share this because I am asking for your prayers. I think sometimes we don't feel like it's ok to admit that we are struggling, but the reason I write this is simply because I do think it's ok. It can be a hard to ask for help, but I believe that is why we have people in our lives, for the good and bad times.

Nothing is going like it's supposed to. There, I said it without guilt this time. Honestly, I have struggled with life for the past 2 years. I remember those first few days and weeks home from Nicaragua with tears running down my eyes. To say it was a difficult adjustment would be an understatement, I felt like a foreigner in my own home. And, I still do. I keep thinking it will get better, but it doesn't seem to. I feel like I've been so out of place since I moved back, still trying to figure out where I am supposed to be. I have had 4 new jobs since I moved back. Nothing is working out on the job front, and it's getting exhausting. I have no home, no place to call my own...and haven't for 2 years. It's frustrating. This is not where I expected, or want to be in life. So, what can I do about it? I am trying to bask in the knowledge that this is temporary, God is faithful, and he works all things together for GOOD. But, that's just REALLY hard. I don't know what the next step is, and I think I keep trying to find it in all the wrong places. I'm asking you to pray for a true sense of direction for me. I have no idea what the next few months look like, and while I like a good adventure, I would like some "settle" in my life.

Now, I can't say that nothing good has happened in the past 2 years, because that is simply not true either. I am SO, SO blessed in so many ways, and I am grateful for that. I am not complaining, I am being honest. I do love being back home and around friends and family, you truly don't realize how much you miss that until you don't have it. That was my biggest struggle when I did live in Nicaragua, and mostly it was missing the day to day stuff of being around my nieces and nephews. You all know I'm crazy, obsessive aunt who is too much in love with those 5 little people.

I have hope that someday I will look back on ALL of this and say "I wouldn't have had it any other way"...